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I wonder how many awkward first dates Instagram filters have caused. 
I once watched an episode of Duck Dynasty. I can't tell you how upset I was that it wasn't a documentary on Huey, Duey, and Louie.
Most of my relationships have been long distance on account of all of the restraining orders.
The Dr. who had examined my wife when she was rushed to the Emergency Room, pulled me aside and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.' I said 'Me neither doc,' ......'But she's a great cook and good with the kids.'
I would do anything to be hot, except eat healthy and exercise
I wish boobs did the bra thing without having to wear the bra
All I want for Christmas is you... Just kidding I want Money
Dear coffee, I want you inside of me
Don’t flatter yourself. I'm not attracted to you, this vodka I am drinking is.
There was a time when the word "Gay" meant happy and the rainbow was a meteorological phenomenom, now both represents boy who likes another boy.........smh
I cant wait till the "Holiday season" at work is over so I can find a new reason not to do anything around the house
Does anyone have like ten thousand dollars they don't want
How long does it take for Auburn to beat Alabama? 1 second
Daughter: Momma, can a woman get pregnant from an@l s3x? Mother: Sure Honey. Where do you think politicians come from?
Craziest superstition I ever heard - whatever you doing when the New Years come, that's gonna what you do for the rest of the year! So does anyone wanna go drinking with me on New Years?
The Duck Dynasty guys need to to look in their beards, I'm sure there's a few ducks in them...
Oh god please let next year be a better year and let it bring hopefully an end to Obama's drone strikes killing innocent people.
The voices in my head are telling me things even I wouldn't post.
my phone just filmed a 6 hour documentary about life inside my pocket
˝You cant fire Duck Dynasty Guy - he has freedom of speech!˝ are the same noobs who wanted the Guns & Ammo editor fired for his pro-gun control column column 