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Big win for the Catholic church as Pope Francis takes Time Magazine's person of the year barely edging out finalists tea bagger Ted Cruz, prostitute Miley Cyrus, and worst president since Jefferson Davis Barack Obama. 
Today is the 2nd day of the rest of your life. Sorry yesterday was the 1st day. Didn't you get the memo?
So apparently everyone is calling One Direction "The new Beatles." Great, now I can't wait to see who gets shot first.
If I cut you off,chances are high that you gave me the scissors
Relationship Status : Packing my bags.
Want people to leave you alone? Tuck in your sweater.
I just wanna have sex with someone who isn't snoring.
If I burned the bridge between us.. Chance are you gave me the match..
You know it’s cold outside when you go outside and it’s cold.
Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are among Barbara Walters' "10 most fascinating people of 2013." In a related story, Barbara has been named one of the "10 most easily fascinated people of 2013."
The problem with money is too much of it belongs to people who aren’t me.
MTV has named Miley Cyrus the best artist of 2013. Kinda fitting I guess, since MTV has no idea what music is anymore...
Do you have that one family member that keeps you away from your other family?
America, where mediocrity reigns supreme. How else do you explain "our" love affair with The Kardashians, Family Guy, and Dr. Oz?
Bit Strips. A step up in the minds of those who normally post that they're going to Wal-Mart.
Anyone can sell things people eat. The Bay leaf salesman is a true salesman!!
I always knew those people signing at major events were just fakes!!!
The snooze button, because there's nothing like starting your day off with a little procrastination.
I wish computer companies would design a keyboard with a removable crumb tray, kinda like my toaster
Why do women like hockey more than men? Because it looks so much like vacuuming! 