Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Since when does CBS care about facts? Aren't these the same people who on e tried to prove a story with "computer printed" documents, from the "1960ies."

   I'm currently toying with the idea of having an idea.

   I used to have a life outside of work. Now I have a wife outside of work.

   If you love your farts you have to let them go.

   All this negativity in the world and I still remain Positive! -Magic Johnson

   Jingle Bells, Dalek smells, the Doctor saved the day. Oh what joy it was to see him saving Gallifrey.

   I'd rather shower with my parents than go shopping on Black Friday...

   I bought some sparkly wrapping paper thinking it was like a simulated sparkly kind. It is actually made out of sparkles. Well, now my floor, face, hands, clothes and kid look like Diamond Cherry Serenity & Candi came over to my house after the strip club.

   100% of all divorces began with getting married...

   You think this day and age it would be polite to just walk up and ask a woman, excuse me want to share a condom. . .

   People on Death row probably don't think it's funny when the President pardons the turkeys for Thanksgiving.

   Oh great now the bill collector is blowing up my phone cuz he thought we got accidentally disconnected....

   Dear CBS please put How I Met Your Mother to the Sitcom Cemetery

   Wow. Hard to believe in only a month my wife and daughters will be returning the gifts I bought them.

   English teachers on Facebook must feel the same hopelessness as dentists do when they're at Walmart.

   Me: "Can I put this sweatshirt in the dryer?"... Wife: "Well, what does it say on it?.Me: "Boston Bruins.".. Wife: "You're an idiot "..

   while fixing the big Thanksgiving dinner remember to cook with wine like all the fancy tv chefs say....you'll be too drunk to realize what the family is saying or doing

   My best posts are like children... I have my favorites and nobody else seems to be interested in hearing about them.

   After over 350 years,,, The Vatican finally apologized to Galileo, so don't expect an apology for child abuse anytime before 2363.

   Flash mobs are so not what I thought. Now I've gotta go find my clothes.