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My wife just yelled that I pay more attention to Facebook than I do to her, or at least that's what I think she said to me.... 
[You're choking]:---- I have two choices: Do I perform the Hiemlich Manuever or should I just stand there and pray for you?.........Science: 1 , Religion: -10
I love it when someone takes a good joke and make it even better. Keep it up guys.
To drink or not to drink!? What a stupid question!
m old enough to remember when the lamest thing in the world was to take pictures of yourself, like you had no friends
Never cut off the minivans, they have nothing to live for.
George Zimmerman is getting dangerously close to the 8 strike law.
It's Friday night. I'm writing this and you're reading it. We're both sad.
Sick and tired of the Dr. Phil test!!! BTW, I scored a 47.
"Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country."-----JFK
anyone going to tell America's funniest videos about YouTube?
If Internet Explorer is brave enough to ask to be your default browser, you're brave enough to ask that girl out.
Netflix gives you 15 seconds between episodes to decide whether or not you're doing anything with your life today.
I almost bet the people on the outside of the ark were talking crap as well...
If Mary gave birth to Jesus and Jesus is the lamb of God, did Mary have a little lamb?
There is no number for what just happened in that bathroom..
Oral sex.... a taste of things to come
The # of selfies someone takes at the gym is indirectly proportionate to the # of times they go...
"Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country."~JFK "How's it going, Sunshine?" ~ Barack Obama campaigning in Sunrise, Florida
"Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country."-----JFK he was not Just kidding. 