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What do Justin Bieber and Pinocchio have in common? They both want to be real boys. 
The real reason women live longer than men is because they don't have to live with women.
Why are girls with boyfriends always way more flirty than girls who are single?
I want a girl I'm proud enough of to show off to my family and friends
I was kicked out of the Nintendo thoughts group for my idea about a Wii game for disabled people. Apparently Wii-Tards isn't a great name.
When I end a sentence with "Just Sayin" what I really mean to say is "Fu%k off, I'm right." ...just sayin.
Pawn Stars Man: Hey can I have change for a dollar? Rick: The best I can do is 25 cents.
The best friendships are built on a solid foundation of alcohol, sarcasm, and inappropriateness.
We naturally want a girl in our lives. Girls only like ass-holes. Guys become ass-holes to adjust. It's natural. Don't blame us.
Explaining to a woman why she's wrong is the most difficult thing in the world.
God made men. But sandwiches weren't going to make themselves. So God made women.
What do you call a girl who expects a guy to do everything for her, make all the first moves, and text her first every day? SINGLE
Miley Cyrus puts the Ho in hottie
I had 3 happy meals today and none of them worked.
12 things about me. 7- I can't count.
PS4? Pshhhhh…. When I was a kid I had to blow into my video games to get them to work.
Male Version: Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? Female Version: Why buy the whole pig when you just want a little sausage?
Male version: why buy the camel when you can get the toe for free?
Anyone who's says, "It's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all", has obviously never gone through a divorce.
Why buy the camel when you can get the toe for free ... 