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Wat does this mean? "When I see an ugly obese woman pushing a cart full of kids in a store, I immediately think "Who keeps fuck!ng you?" Mild obesity is not hereditary like ugliness. 
walk into a crowded room release a silent fart ten immediately say "Do you smell Popcorn?"........sit back and watch the laughs
do the indianapolis colts play at home this week? anybody?
If I pass you my phone to see a photo and you scroll through my other pics, they'll never find your body.
A psychology study suggests that when you are single, all you see are happy couples, When you are committed, you see happy singles.
Do you know why you’re pressing unlike button that many every day; because, most of time, people are talking and thinking of their own interests.
Maybe if the crowed showed a bit of appreciation and stopped t-rollin contributors maybe there would be more funny material for you to copy and paste to your FB.
There are only two types of women in this world: 1) Those who love sex just as much as men do. 2) Liars.
Doggy Style. Because it gives me perfect platform to keep my laptop and finish my work.
You can't fix stupid but you can avoid dating it.
I'm married and have two girls. I've been without power for 10 years.
My birthday is coming up and I'm mostly just anxious about all the people on facebook who are about to pretend to like me.
Honey, I let myself go and gained all this weight to prevent other men from hitting on me. You think I want to look like this? I do this for you.
Choose your ex wisely, they’ll be there for the rest of your life.
To error is human, to forgive is divine, to keep your damn mouth shut is much appreciated.
Only thing that's truly secular in the world is stupidity. It's found across all religion without fail.
True friendship is when you walk into their house and your wifi connects automatically ;)
Like if you have a healthy mind, unlike if you don't.
I bought a book on eBay called, "How to scam on eBay". That was 2 months ago, and it's not arrived yet
These kids on MasterChef Junior are incredible! I think I'm creative when I add lettuce and tomato to a sandwich. 