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Single mothers must make the toughest decisions every day. Decisions like "Which children's toy is giving up its batteries for mommy?" 
Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" quickly became a feminist anthem for women. Probably because it's really upbeat and fun to do the hoovering to
What would a man have a need for shoes in the first place if he had no feet.. That gets an X for not funny
A recent scientific study, has revealed a bunch of crap I don't understand.
Pro driving tip: Look in your rear view mirror. If there's a long line of traffic behind you but no one in front of you, you're an ass.
I like my sushi cooked medium rare,,,, and made from a cow.
**TORNADO WARNING** Everyone head to Giants Stadium. Safest place to avoid a touch down.
All the clowns hated the one female clown because it took forever to get everyone in and out of the car every 30 minutes for her to pee.
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club,,, but I’d never met herbivore.... *gets pulled off the stage by a giant cane*
Forget everything you know about amnesia.
Does the Spanish version of Match.com say "Find the Juan for you."?
Why is it that in a movie, the good guy can take on three bad guys and get a hell of a beat down without batting an eye, but in the next scene he will wince when the woman tries to dress his wounds?
Have you ever wondered how long it would take for a giraffe to throw up?
According to the Body Mass Index chart, I'm too short.
Why hasn't Obama shutdown NPR and PBS yet? It's not like anyone tunes in anyway.
Maybe we should let Sandusky loose on Congress
This government shutdown is not as complete or thorough as some might expect. NPR, C-Span, PBS, CNN and MSNBC are still on...
Tony Romo tried to throw a celebration party but it got intercepted.
It’s impossible to say "I wasn’t talking to you" politely.
It's sad how Wile E. Coyote is only remembered for his violence, and not for his brilliantly realistic paintings of tunnels. 