Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Who the hell buys a cat? There are cats everywhere just let one in your home and it becomes your cat.

   Ah, Breast Cancer Awareness Month. If you know you have boobs, go get checked. You too ladies.

   Am I the only one that sees the irony in Obamacare rolling out and the government shut down happening on the same day??

   I want to spread your thoughts wide open.

   I really miss your face... between my thighs.

   Underwear need pockets. If you want to walk around without pants, where are you supposed to put your phone?

   There should be an observation deck at Walmart.

   At what point during my neighbors sob story about losing her job do I mention I only have 2% battery life?

   My favorite thing about naps is that I don't have to talk to people during them

   Eating a cucumber would be the 2nd worst way to discover that you are allergic to cucumbers.

   When the relationship hits the wall the douchebag deploys.

   I see your "Restraining order" and raise you a "high powered telescope"

   I would consider marriage if it came with a better benefits package.

   Word of the day - MACROVERBUMSCIOLIST -Someone who pretends to know a word, then secretly looks it up.

   Wife fell asleep on the couch so I drew a spider on her glasses with dry erase marker. And now we wait...

   I bet even Bill Gates doesn't use BING when no one is looking.

   Automatic flushing toilets are the premature ejaculators of bathroom fixtures.

   Keep scrolling...if you want to see what position manchester United is on the log.

   So America had enough money to go to war with Syria but don't have enough money to survive as a government. Priorities.

   Stop with the over used old posts , if we want old stuff we know where to look , now bad to the funny NEW stuff please..