Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   People that are against smoking pot are the ones that need it the most..

   After what happened in the Kenyan mall I have no doubt now that Islam is a religion of pigs and muhammed was a fagggot

   I only log in my Facebook page to not forget my password.

   Face down, a$$ up. That's how I tie my shoes.

   Studies show than men who have sex more often tend to have a longer life expectancy. See, it's a survival thing.

   Sooner or later I’m going to sleep with the wrong woman and wind up dead…or worse married.

   With great power comes no accountability.

   Just watched a twerk video that made me wish I was Stevie Wonder.

   My girlfriend wears the pants in our relationship...I just take them off of her.

   I've lost love, money, and my mind on occasion, I don't care. But It would kill me if I lost the ability to laugh at myself.

   This morning when I put my underwear on the fruit of the looms guys were laughing at me.

   With names like "Batman" and "Robin", you'd think they could fly...

   And on the 8th day god created female hormones. Then the female destroyed that day.

   First scoop of Mars soil contains 2% water, now all we need is malt, hops, and yeast and life would be all good.....

   Does the sleeve tat go with my male pattern baldness and pot belly? Asking for a friend.

   If the Government shuts down who will spy on me?

   I never understood why they call them "Smart Cars"...Anyone willing to drive a padded shopping cart on the freeway in a Fisher Price toy doesn't meet my criteria of "smart".

   How many weight watchers points are pot brownies?

   I like clothing that has little hidden pockets. It's like they made it knowing I was going to put my weed in there.

   You can't buy a woman's love, but you can buy a human heart... Seriously, go look on Craigslist.