Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   tatoos must be expensive because everyone with them doesn't seem to have any money left...

   I hate it when I am mistaken for someone who cares about your problem.

   i'd like to meet the person who invented sex and see what they're working on now

   "We're losing her." -sanity

   I put apple juice in a spray bottle to use on some ribs. I sprayed it in my mouth.... Cups are now ridiculous to me.

   It's hilarious how sensitive people get when you ignore them....ON FACEBOOK!

   Remember,,,, there is no I in denial

   Finishing the Monday after vacation is like when Nick Wallenda's feet hit the ground after crossing the Grand Canyon on the Skywire

   my opinion is brought to you by the letter "F" & the letter "U"

   Someone should check on Tyler Perry. He hasn't released a movie in like a week.

   I like to think all pizzas are personal pizzas.

   You guys make Facebook worth it! Just kidding, we are all wasting our lives.

   I hate when babies wear really baggy diapers and try to act all street.

   Babies are the 2 extremes on the spectrum of smell. They either smell like heaven filled with lollipops or a microwaved porta-potty.

   UPS delivery guys don't like it when you go up to their truck and order an ice cream sandwich and a bomb pop.

   Note to self: you never read these notes, so stop writing them.

   I’m so tired. Almost time to crawl into bed and not be able to sleep for three hours.

   Before Twitter we really had no way of knowing which of our favorite celebrities were also total illiterates.

   Any bathroom without toilet paper is a panic room.

   FYI: Captain Hook ran his entire pirating operation singlehandedly.