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What did the traffic light say to the car? Don't look i'm changing 
The single ladies and cats joke below is proof that B EGO is the a d m I n and steals stuff we p 0st and claim it as his own.
Last night was so romantic ...that she didn't even press charges.
Marriage, because your suffering doesnt have to end at work.
Hey, NSA,,,, if you're going to read my posts, would it kill you to like them?
ll complain about the government invading my privacy after I tell you where I am on Facebook and tell you what I eat on instagram
My first cup of coffee is enjoyed with silence, thank you for understanding.
why do rapppers ask us to make some noise? You are the one with the band and the microphone
I drive everywhere but for some reason my shoes still wear out, it’s like there’s just no reward for laziness
Accidentally got two shots of hand sanitizer so if you need me I'll be rubbing my hands together for the rest of my life.
So many vain and self-aggrandizing narcissists on Facebook giving themselves compliments about how beautiful, slim and rich they are. Real beautiful people are humble and wait to be complimented by other people.
To my neighbor using a chainsaw at 7:30 on a Saturday morning: Try holding the other end.
What if animals "were" injured in the making of a film. Do they list that in the credits? Tim hurt one monkey. He is very sorry.
I’m not addicted to coffee… we’re just in a committed relationship.
A vegetarian that is for the death peanilty.....................wait what?
justin bieber to be launched into space...hoping very much it's a one way trip ...:D
Kristen Stewart doesn't get enough credit for her acting ability. I thought she was great as "Wilson" in Cast Away
I'll bet 9 out of 10 of you guys here have no pants on.
Ever wonder what it's like to be Amish? Get a blackberry. I'm practically milking cows and making candles over here.
I'd explain it to you again but I'm fresh out of crayons and puppets 