Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   the reflexes of a cat and the speed of a mongoose.

   has never went to bed with an ugly girl, just woke up with a few THANKS ALCOHOL

   I don't know whether to laugh at you or pity you

   doesn't worry about what people think. They don't do it very often.

   reminds you that stupidity is not a crime, so you're free to go

   I think, therefore we have nothing in common

   'So, Just in case all Hell does freeze over, What's your Number?"

   the fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist

   just found out why the chicken crossed the road....it's really not that funny

   had his wife accuse him of being self-important. He nearly fell off his throne!

   I drew a gun. He drew a gun. I drew another gun. Soon we were surrounded by lovely drawings of guns.

   how come no matter how prepared you are for your toast popping up you still get a shock?

   I brush after every meal.And the Dentist says my hair looks lovely.

   I love the idea of there being two sexes. . . Dont you?

   If your mind aint open,keep your mouth shut too

   Dear mom while I have been away at college I have learned to make rational and accountable decisions while I'm drinking. However we may or may not have a drunken cat on our hands.

   the weekend draws near.. oh liver, you know I love u..

   alright...who's been spraying the arsehole aerosol in the air again!?

   really hates having Tinnitus. I always think someone is talking about me.

   Dear US Government - Thank you for spending $75 Million on shooting a missile to the moon, which found nothing. Why give the money to worthy causes here on the home-front like breast cancer, or families of fallen veterans; any number of worthy causes?