Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   for the next 20 minutes the universe revolves around me. Everybody else should step aside. TIA

   anti-obama before it was cool

   kissed a girl and I liked it. She, on the other hand; filed a restraining order.

   There's a fine line between excited and obnoxious. I call that line Richard Simmons.

   Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

   out of order until further notice...apologize for the inconvenience!

   NOTADDICTEDTOTHOSEENERGYDRINKS!!!!

   counting the number of friends who remind him that it's Friday.

   darted around the aisle suspiciously while humming the theme from Mission Impossible. just finished watching the movie and couldn't get the tune out of my head. Plus I had about 4 Red Bulls. Too bad for you!

   handling guns in the hunting department...and asking the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are

   Real Men of Genius.Today we salute you Mr.Compulsive Status Update Checker.People are out actually having fun, your stuck reading about it on a screen. One click instant "mafia and farmville" updates to live vicariously through, friends you... haven't see

   When you check out, if spent shell casings aren't littered around your feet, you didn't check out right.

   thinks auto-erotica is porn for AutoBots...

   in the studio with Chris Brown making new 'beats' for his album.

   when it comes down to it, it's the little thongs in life that makes it all worthwhile...

   Your worlds can decieve as much as my eyes can believe, So tell the lies for my mind and I'll see you fly into the sky.

   Chicks are like pokemon gotta catch em all.

   spending time with his/her two true loves... Friday and beer!

   recommending a Magic 8 Ball for times when Obama has no teleprompter.

   hates it when you ask someone "How was your day?" and all they say is "good, and yours?" Thank you for summing up your day with just one word. Way to be detailed.