Pigpen1961 Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Dear Twilight fans, Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never have an erection.
←Rate | 10-03-2011 18:54 by Pigpen1961 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There is no way I'm getting my wife a gun because there is no way I'm not getting shot with that gun. Buying my wife a gun is sort of like me saying, 'You know, I kinda want to kill myself, but I want it to be a surprise.
←Rate | 01-27-2013 15:45 by pigpen1961 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don’t understand the whole concept of a massage. You get a woman to rub all over every single part of your body except the one part you really want rubbed on
←Rate | 01-28-2013 19:26 by pigpen1961 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Given that St. Valentine was a 3rd century Roman Priest who was stoned and beheaded, wouldn't a more appropriate celebration of the evening be taking one's steady gal to witness a brutal murder?
←Rate | 02-14-2012 10:25 by pigpen1961 Comments (0)  


   messageicon the cops came to my house earlier, claiming that my dog had chased someone on a bike. I said "Piss off, my dog doesn't have a bike!".
←Rate | 10-09-2011 20:25 by Pigpen1961 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Have you ever had one of those moments when you look up and realize that you're one of those people you see on the train talking to themselves?
←Rate | 01-28-2013 18:41 by pigpen1961 Comments (0)  


   messageicon was playing "FARMVILLE" when immigration showed up and took all my workers ! ! ! !
←Rate | 10-09-2011 21:02 by Pigpen1961 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Happy Triskaidekaphobia Day!!! and a full moon to add to it
←Rate | 06-13-2014 09:00 by Pigpen1961 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I used to do a lot of drugs. I didn't stop because I didn't enjoy them; I stopped because I couldn't handle the commitment.
←Rate | 01-28-2013 18:46 by pigpen1961 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Did you know the salt in the ocean is from all the misunderstood sharks, crying, because they just want to cuddle!
←Rate | 03-02-2013 11:00 by Pigpen1961 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you dont drink, then all of your stories suck and end with, And then I got home...
←Rate | 01-28-2013 18:51 by pigpen1961 Comments (0)  


   messageicon How come when your wifes pregnant, all her female friends rub her tummy & say congratulations! But nobody rubs your balls and says good job!!!!!
←Rate | 10-09-2011 20:43 by Pigpen1961 Comments (1)  


   messageicon ʎןıɯɐɟ & spuǝıɹɟ ʞooqǝɔɐɟ ʎɯ ¡¡¡ɐıןɐɹʇsnɐ ɯoɹɟ sbuıʇǝǝɹb
←Rate | 04-29-2014 17:10 by pigpen1961 Comments (0)  


   messageicon cle'a]ni.ng he'r ke]yb29oa;rd===
←Rate | 10-09-2011 20:36 by Pigpen1961 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My mom thinks LOL stands for "lots of love" and texted me "Your Grandma just died. LOL." :)
←Rate | 10-09-2011 20:31 by Pigpen1961 Comments (0)  



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