Stragen Funny Status Messages

   In a meeting: "Let me reiterate what was just said" can be translated to "I have nothing productive to add but I like the sound of my own voice and think I'm important so I think I need to waste 5 more minutes of all your days"

   Remember when it was rude to be with one person while talking to another on the phone?Now we text with five or six other people at once while pretending to pay attention to the one person we're physically next to

   I wanna take a wiffle ball bat into malls during Christmas shopping for those idiots that just stop suddenly in the middle of the walking area. That humming thump noise while I crack it across the back of their heads would bring joy to my holiday season

   The razor selections are starting to get scary. How many do they think they can add? I bet in 5 years there will be a Gillette Guillotine, one swipe and that's all...

   hosting a Mayan calendar party on Dec 22, 2012. Disregard this announcement if the world ends on Dec 21, 2012. Also, if the earth's magnetic field does not reverse by then, I'm planning to sponsor a pole flipping contest.

   I was told it was Breast Awareness Month... sounds like a great thing... but was already fully aware of them...

   I have discovered the best way to get a mani pedi as a guy and still have it be manly. Take your daughter and just be the awesome Dad who's bonding with her over something she likes... nobody can question that and all the single moms just swoon. Bonus!

   Santa does not get milk and cookies at my house. Beer and pretzels it is. I figure after several million gulps of milk and enough cookies to cause a diabetic coma, a beer would be refreshing.

   Watching the college bowl games and I was thinking. If most of your players' helmets are completely covered in those stickers, maybe they're giving them away too freely. "Congratulations, you didn't s**t your pants today, here's a sticker"

   Opted for SWAT team costume for Halloween. Cheap and easy. It occurred to me, however, that I've got a toy weapon. Would that be Toy Weapons And Tactics? I don't think it would be copacetic to place the acronym on the shirt.

   So I gave up bungee jumping for lent for the 6th year in a row. I've never gone... but I think I'd like to at some point in my life. Just can't do it right now. True story...

   Ah yes, the first real snow storm of the year... where 1/4 of drivers simultaneously gain an amazing ability to jam their heads up someplace uncomfortable.

   We were given the go-ahead to wear Packers stuff to work this week... I wonder how long I'll be able to get away with a pair of jeans and green and gold body paint on the rest of me with a beer can hat...

   The government today, announced that it's changing it's emblem from a Bald Eagle to a CONDOM, because it more accurately reflects the government 's political stance. A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects

   There are certain days in the year where it's socially acceptable to act like a retard. Someone tell the people here it's not one of those days...