Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 96 of 6389
How come Ex-Lax never has coupons for a “Big Blowout Sale”???
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12-10-2019 09:48
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it really necessary for the first square of a roll of toilet paper to be glued down?
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11-01-2019 11:09
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It's hard to get out of bed but I just have to remember that the world can't revolve around me unless I'm standing.
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11-30-2019 12:08
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"No thanks. Not this time. Nah, I'm good. I had that done last time. No thanks. No. I'll have my mechanic check that. No thanks. No thanks. No thanks. Next time. No thanks. No thanks. No thanks. I just want the oil change."
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11-17-2019 10:53 by BobBogin
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I love how flat-earthers believes the other planets around us are round.
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11-18-2019 01:07
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Let’s take a moment to be thankful that ponytails don’t wag like dog tails when we’re excited.
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02-19-2020 07:00
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Oh I can walk the walk. Just don't ask me to jog the jog or run the run...
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02-20-2020 18:44 by Gabe
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I’ll start buying “smart” appliances when they make a microwave that automatically electrocutes people who put fish in it
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03-03-2020 17:35
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Coronavirus is cancelling everything but my bills
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03-13-2020 08:25
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All those unmatched socks are gonna finally be put to good use with the toilet paper shortage going on.
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03-13-2020 14:00
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There will be a baby boom in 9 months, after this thing pass but them babies will be known as the Quaranteens
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03-14-2020 10:19
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I'm at the age where an "all-nighter" just means I didn't have to get up to pee.
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04-19-2020 16:46
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I don’t mean to brag, but a lot of people have discovered how the unfollow button on Facebook works because of me.
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04-25-2020 20:06 by Vaterpop
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I miss the eighties when the biggest problem was saving the local youth center with a break dancing fundraiser.
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06-17-2020 15:13
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My neighbour's 4-year-old has been learning Spanish since lockdown. He still can't say "please" though, which I think is poor for four.
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06-19-2020 08:28
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Shia Labeouf sounds like something you do after eating Taco Bell
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06-24-2020 15:53
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Oh come on this is ridiculous! It’s July 8th and people are still setting fireworks off. One almost caught our Christmas decorations on fire.
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07-07-2020 22:01 by DJJackson
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Being an adult is like being a Quentin Tarantino movie: it starts out real cool, there's lots of cursing, it's very confusing, everyone dies
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07-14-2020 09:10
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Just so we're on the same page, I'm on 136.
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07-14-2020 09:11
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I don’t think we can get through adulthood without a good sense of humor and a strong middle finger.
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04-17-2018 13:19
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