Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 96 of 6387
My bank account is a pit stop where money comes to hold its breath before proceeding to where it was destined for.
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04-30-2018 13:02
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If women are always right,why do they always picking wrong men?
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05-01-2018 08:55
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My wife just told me that I need to grow up. I was speechless, but it is kinda hard to talk with 45 Gummie Bears in your mouth.
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05-16-2018 07:25 by Crewz
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In my time, real men did not smoke cigarettes with batteries.
It takes one slow walking person in the grocery store, to remove the illusion that I'm a nice person.
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05-20-2018 17:01
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It's getting that Time Of Year where I start Liking All Of My Friends Posts who have a POOL
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05-26-2018 16:43
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You know who is a good problem solver? Vanilla Ice. I think it's because he collaborates and listens.
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05-27-2018 07:09
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Yes I like to party. And by party I mean take naps.
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06-09-2018 05:55
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When will the Death Star be completed by our Space Force program?
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06-20-2018 00:39
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I don't care how important you think you are. You should do what you learned in kindergarten; be patient and wait your turn.
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06-22-2018 09:36
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I am a brilliant man, I just sometimes can't remember where I parked my car.
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06-28-2018 02:18
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I'm not saying I drive fast, but on my last trip the lady in my GPS told me pull over and she would walk.
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06-29-2018 20:42
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The best part about being over 40 is discovering all the new regions of your body that can support hair life.
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07-04-2018 14:19
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I love that "take out" means food, dating, and murder.
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07-16-2018 13:18
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Zoning out is your brain’s way of saying “You look bored. Let me take you to a better place.”
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07-18-2018 07:23
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I have a lot on my plate right now. Not busy, just hungry..
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07-18-2018 07:28
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It may be time to start exercising . Halfway up this flight of stairs and I'm considering setting up base camp and trying for the summit tomorrow.
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08-15-2018 12:45
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I miss the good old days when I used to think T-mobile was a rapper.
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09-18-2018 06:45
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I wouldn't do anything for a Klondike bar, but I would do some sketchy stuff for some coffee.
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09-20-2018 23:15
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My Bank Account probabbly thinks I am Dead 😢
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10-16-2018 00:04
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