Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon My bank account is a pit stop where money comes to hold its breath before proceeding to where it was destined for.
←Rate | 04-30-2018 13:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If women are always right,why do they always picking wrong men?
←Rate | 05-01-2018 08:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife just told me that I need to grow up. I was speechless, but it is kinda hard to talk with 45 Gummie Bears in your mouth.
←Rate | 05-16-2018 07:25 by Crewz Comments (0)  


   messageicon In my time, real men did not smoke cigarettes with batteries.
←Rate | 05-17-2018 12:17 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It takes one slow walking person in the grocery store, to remove the illusion that I'm a nice person.
←Rate | 05-20-2018 17:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's getting that Time Of Year where I start Liking All Of My Friends Posts who have a POOL
←Rate | 05-26-2018 16:43 Comments (1)  


   messageicon You know who is a good problem solver? Vanilla Ice. I think it's because he collaborates and listens.
←Rate | 05-27-2018 07:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Yes I like to party. And by party I mean take naps.
←Rate | 06-09-2018 05:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When will the Death Star be completed by our Space Force program?
←Rate | 06-20-2018 00:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't care how important you think you are. You should do what you learned in kindergarten; be patient and wait your turn.
←Rate | 06-22-2018 09:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am a brilliant man, I just sometimes can't remember where I parked my car.
←Rate | 06-28-2018 02:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not saying I drive fast, but on my last trip the lady in my GPS told me pull over and she would walk.
←Rate | 06-29-2018 20:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The best part about being over 40 is discovering all the new regions of your body that can support hair life.
←Rate | 07-04-2018 14:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love that "take out" means food, dating, and murder.
←Rate | 07-16-2018 13:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Zoning out is your brain’s way of saying “You look bored. Let me take you to a better place.”
←Rate | 07-18-2018 07:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have a lot on my plate right now. Not busy, just hungry..
←Rate | 07-18-2018 07:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It may be time to start exercising . Halfway up this flight of stairs and I'm considering setting up base camp and trying for the summit tomorrow.
←Rate | 08-15-2018 12:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I miss the good old days when I used to think T-mobile was a rapper.
←Rate | 09-18-2018 06:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wouldn't do anything for a Klondike bar, but I would do some sketchy stuff for some coffee.
←Rate | 09-20-2018 23:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My Bank Account probabbly thinks I am Dead 😢
←Rate | 10-16-2018 00:04 Comments (1)  




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