Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 949 of 6444

I wonder how many awkward first dates Instagram filters have caused.
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12-19-2013 12:00
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The great thing about waking up to 3 feet of snow is it gives me a legit excuse to skip my usual 5:30am 20K run.

The voices in my head asked about you.
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02-17-2014 12:04
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Stupidity is dangerous, and thanks to social media we have managed to weaponize it.
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09-12-2013 13:11 by Baddie
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The hardest part of your path is knowing when to realize that your struggle has already left you and you now need to let go of it and move on !
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09-12-2013 13:57
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Nothing says you are ugly like Facebook asking ''Are you sure you want to make this your profile picture?''
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10-19-2013 09:52 by griff
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somehow,the NFL must find itself wishing Richie Incognito was still it's worse bully.
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09-17-2014 17:40
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FYI: Apple's app store had an app called "I Am Rich." It cost $999.99, did absolutely nothing, and 8 people bought it.
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10-18-2014 19:24 by snotty
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Nothing says, "My Balls are kept in a jar inside her purse", quite like a Joint Facebook Account.
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02-06-2016 01:23
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How does Ted Cruz always look both happy and sad? "I like lasagna but it's not what I ordered", his face says.
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02-07-2016 02:49
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I work hard so my dog can have a better life.
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02-07-2016 02:57
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Superbowl Party Eating Tip: Your pants won't get too tight if you don't wear any.
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02-07-2016 03:27
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A curling iron is not effective at turning regular fries into curly fries. I know that now.
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02-10-2016 06:45 by huck
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I have no problem admitting when I'm wrong. Like that one time I got married....
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02-12-2016 04:34
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I am really into CrossFit. I cross my fingers and hope I can fit my a$$ in those jeans.
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02-21-2016 16:32
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If you hold down the "Like" button, you can now leave different kinds of reactions and create so much more drama in people's lives who take Facebook too seriously....
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02-28-2016 03:55
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You know you're getting old when one huge fart throws out your back.
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04-08-2016 06:23
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Now that the absurdity of voting for American Idol is now over, let's focus on the absurdity of voting for an American president.
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04-08-2016 16:03
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When the nurse calls my name at the doctor’s office, I like to run through the waiting room like I got called on The Price is Right.
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04-10-2016 08:01
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A journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
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04-13-2016 05:55
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