Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I wonder how many awkward first dates Instagram filters have caused.
←Rate | 12-19-2013 12:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The great thing about waking up to 3 feet of snow is it gives me a legit excuse to skip my usual 5:30am 20K run.
←Rate | 02-14-2014 07:47 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon The voices in my head asked about you.
←Rate | 02-17-2014 12:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Stupidity is dangerous, and thanks to social media we have managed to weaponize it.
←Rate | 09-12-2013 13:11 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon The hardest part of your path is knowing when to realize that your struggle has already left you and you now need to let go of it and move on !
←Rate | 09-12-2013 13:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing says you are ugly like Facebook asking ''Are you sure you want to make this your profile picture?''
←Rate | 10-19-2013 09:52 by griff Comments (0)  


   messageicon somehow,the NFL must find itself wishing Richie Incognito was still it's worse bully.
←Rate | 09-17-2014 17:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon FYI: Apple's app store had an app called "I Am Rich." It cost $999.99, did absolutely nothing, and 8 people bought it.
←Rate | 10-18-2014 19:24 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing says, "My Balls are kept in a jar inside her purse", quite like a Joint Facebook Account.
←Rate | 02-06-2016 01:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon How does Ted Cruz always look both happy and sad? "I like lasagna but it's not what I ordered", his face says.
←Rate | 02-07-2016 02:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I work hard so my dog can have a better life.
←Rate | 02-07-2016 02:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Superbowl Party Eating Tip: Your pants won't get too tight if you don't wear any.
←Rate | 02-07-2016 03:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A curling iron is not effective at turning regular fries into curly fries. I know that now.
←Rate | 02-10-2016 06:45 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have no problem admitting when I'm wrong. Like that one time I got married....
←Rate | 02-12-2016 04:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am really into CrossFit. I cross my fingers and hope I can fit my a$$ in those jeans.
←Rate | 02-21-2016 16:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you hold down the "Like" button, you can now leave different kinds of reactions and create so much more drama in people's lives who take Facebook too seriously....
←Rate | 02-28-2016 03:55 Comments (1)  


   messageicon You know you're getting old when one huge fart throws out your back.
←Rate | 04-08-2016 06:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Now that the absurdity of voting for American Idol is now over, let's focus on the absurdity of voting for an American president.
←Rate | 04-08-2016 16:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When the nurse calls my name at the doctor’s office, I like to run through the waiting room like I got called on The Price is Right.
←Rate | 04-10-2016 08:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
←Rate | 04-13-2016 05:55 Comments (0)  




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