Mom or Mother Funny Status Messages

   Daughter: Momma, can a woman get pregnant from an@l s3x? Mother: Sure Honey. Where do you think politicians come from?

   When your girl accuses you of something just say "My mother was right about you." That will transfer attention from you to your mother.

   My mother called Information. While I'm sitting here with my laptop, she called Information. Even the Amish dont call information anymore

   “A mother takes twenty years to make a man of her boy, and another woman makes a fool of him in twenty minutes.”

   I think Old Man Winter & Mother Nature need to have a few drinks and make a little Spring.

   i went on a pleasure trip this morning. I took my mother in law back to the airport.

   Childs experience: if a mother is laughing at the fathers jokes, it means they have guests.

   My 9-year-old said I looked tired today and apparently becoming my mother has skipped a generation.

   it rude to start asking my mother-in-law for daily child care fees? Her child is a handful and I don't work for free.

   Apparently, mother nature isn't too fond of the brothers either…

   apparently my wife and I weren't on the same page with what she wanted for Mother's Day. Who knew there was more than one kind of "facial"?

   ...and then the doctor slapped my little bottom and handed me to her. - How I Met My Mother

   When you feel neglected think of a mother salmon who lays 3,000,000 eggs and no one remembers her on Mother's Day

   Omg I'm so hungry I could eat my ex wife's cooking while sitting at the table with my ex mother in law!

   My Guardian Angel be like "I'm gonna lose my job and end up in hell with this mother f*cker..."

   Every time I’m around my mother in law, I wonder who is running hell in her absence.

   To all the Moms: "Happy Mothers Day"! And to all the Dads: "Happy Sunday.. Mother Fu€Kers"!!

   Some things should not be abbreviated like Save The Dates (STD) or Future Mother in Law (FML)

   My contribution to mother earth is not to waste water cleaning glasses when I can drink straight from the bottle

   Im Not The Girl Ur Mother Warned you About,,, Her Imagination Was Never This Good ;)