Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Acknowledge many, trust few, but always paddle your own Canoe
←Rate | 07-13-2020 16:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Who let the dogs out?" - [Pavlov getting annoyed]
←Rate | 11-26-2018 13:23 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just so we're clear, the Grinch never really hated Christmas. He hated people which is perfectly understandable.
←Rate | 12-11-2018 08:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Place aluminum foil in a paper shredder ... BOOM TINSEL !!
←Rate | 12-14-2018 20:52 by JCGJ Comments (0)  

   messageicon A message to whoever stole my shoes while I was playing in the ball pit at Chucky Cheese yesterday.. GROW UP!!
←Rate | 12-27-2018 15:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If the fate of the world ever rests on knowing 80s music lyrics, call me.
←Rate | 02-20-2019 12:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don’t like the term “dad bod”. I prefer “father figure”
←Rate | 07-12-2019 22:18 by PosterBoy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Get rid of the "quality check" section on the Domino's pizza tracker. I know what I'm getting myself into here.
←Rate | 08-08-2019 06:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I had this crazy nightmare where I actually enjoyed my job. Thank God I woke up before my boss walked in.
←Rate | 09-16-2019 20:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The things I do to make my wife happy. I'm wearing her underwear. She doesn't know I'm wearing them but when she puts them on tomorrow she'll think she lost weight.
←Rate | 09-25-2019 21:59 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  

   messageicon At my age, "getting lucky" means being able to find my car in the parking lot.
←Rate | 09-26-2019 13:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you think human beings have evolved a lot. Look at how much Egyptians worshiped cats... Then go look at Facebook for about 5 minutes.
←Rate | 08-04-2016 22:01 by Snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon If TuPac and Biggie were still alive Kanye would be folding T-Shirts at the Gap right about now.
←Rate | 07-20-2020 06:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I applied for a job at Bed Bath & Beyond. They put me in the Beyond department.
←Rate | 09-06-2020 16:30 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I do all my own stunts but not intentionally.
←Rate | 09-10-2020 17:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Amazon has been approved for drone delivery. We now have skeet shooting with prizes.
←Rate | 09-15-2020 15:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you like to fall asleep in bed but wake up on the floor, owning satin sheets might be for you.
←Rate | 09-16-2020 08:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Fear is is Hope.
←Rate | 10-06-2020 10:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I love Bruce Lee because he studied art and poetry and decided the most beautiful form of self expression is punching someone in the face
←Rate | 10-12-2020 08:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Every Halloween I turn on Unchained Melody, and sit in front of a pottery wheel in the hopes that Patrick Swayze will return.
←Rate | 10-12-2020 08:22 Comments (0)  

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