Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 893 of 6369
The Judge denied Jerry Sandusky's request to serve 30-60 in a Juvenile Detention Center.
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10-09-2012 23:44 by GOKU
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5 symptoms of laziness --> 1.
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04-12-2013 14:07
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I was discussing with my friend about the popular trends on sex, marriage and values. He says to me, "I didn’t sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?" I replied. "I’m not sure, what was her maiden name?"
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05-22-2013 07:42
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“Who is this I just got a new phone?” Really means I didn’t bother to store your number because you aren’t that important.
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05-31-2013 21:18 by BEGO
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I'm glad Lassie wasnt my dog. I just want to watch TV, I don't want to be constantly rescuing people.
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06-04-2013 14:12 by SEAN
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Destroying my chances at getting elected to public office on Facebook post at a time.
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10-24-2012 01:33 by Michael
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I bet the taliban is watching Honey Boo Boo saying "We can now watch them destroy themselves."
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11-01-2012 22:13
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Colorado Legalizes Marijuana and peyton manning buys 20 papa johns stores in Colorado! some people just get it!
I noticed last night that I was the hottest cashier at the self checkout line.
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11-20-2012 18:42
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So yesterday at about this time, I was all like, "I'm so thankful for my friends, my life, my freedom." Today...I'd risk prison punching you in the neck for a flat screen.
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11-23-2012 15:43 by levelhead
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I thought The Walking Dead was having a special tonight.... Turns out it was just The Rolling Stones performing at the 12/12/12 concert.
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12-12-2012 22:35 by xiØn
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Events like the death of the Indian gang-rape victim just help remind me why I hate humans so much.
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12-29-2012 04:25
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Kanye West must feel very conflicted right now. He's excited Kim is pregnant, but deep down he knows Beyonce had the best baby of all time.
People say I’m sarcastic but I’m just investigating the effects of irony on morons.
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01-04-2013 21:28 by BEGO
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If I press 2 for Spanish, can I pay my bill in pesos?
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01-11-2013 19:26
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Whenever I see someone in a Smart Car, I expect to see a kid with a remote control nearby.
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01-14-2013 21:30
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it so wrong to bang on your neighbour's door at 2am and ask them to reset their modem?
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07-30-2012 03:15
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A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste.
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02-17-2013 15:30
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First you have to tell 'em Santa's not real. Then you have to tell 'em Nicki Minaj is real.. ..no wonder the kids are confused.
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02-20-2013 13:13
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When I was 7 I saw a sign that said "ONLY YOU CAN PREVENT FOREST FIRES" and I thought...That's s huge amount of pressure to put on one kid
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03-19-2013 20:47
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