love Funny Status Messages

   I just don't understand my next door neighbor. She keeps going on about how she'd love to be a contestant on a reality show, but she went mental when she found out I'd put cameras all over her house.

   Nothing says "Love" like having a ShamWow tossed at your genitals after having sex.

   "For the love of honey!" - Grizzly bear

   I met the love of my life at Starbucks. She was beautiful, but I knew I had to drink her eventually.

   Pro tip: Before you tell her that you love her, make sure you're not horny, drunk, lonely, desperate, sad, angry, bored or hungry.

   If you're not in love right now, you're wasting valuable time!

   Ladies; True Love is when he holds your hair back while you're giving him a bl0wjob.

   Don't you love it when your iPod is about to fall, and your earphones save it's life?

   I love taking the grocery store up on their offer to carry my groceries out to my car for me

   Don't call me " bae " " baby " " babe " or " love " unless I'm the ONLY ONE you're calling that.

   Make love to a woman's mind, and her body will follow in kind

   I love walking on the beach with my girlfriend until the acid wears off and I'm just dragging a stolen mannequin around a Walmart parking lot.

   You're thin, entertaining, I love staying up all night with you and falling asleep by your side. I love you laptop.

   I'd love to make money at home in my spare time. But counterfeiting is harder than you'd think.

   This B1tch got "SNGL MOM" on her License Plates.. Basically she just gave up on Love all together!

   Love is when you wake up with your boxers around your ankles and your hands full of peanut butter, right?.

   My stalker just threatened to kill herself if I didn't love her back. It's nice when problems resolve themselves like that.

   You know before Facebook, I use to call up 435 friends of mine everyday... just to tell them 'how much I hate my work and how much I love getting stoned.'

   My Wife said the other day "Do you still love me now that I'm getting old and fat?". Apparently "you're not old" was an inppropriate response.

   Well here I am, sitting on the pavement with my pork pies, sandwiches, & beer. Flying my union jack flag, cheering at the top of my voice with British pride as the procession goes past. Dont you just love muslim funerals.