Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon How to make a millenial laugh: tell them you have only 22 photos of your entire childhood.
←Rate | 08-20-2017 09:46 by MarkF Comments (0)  


   messageicon Apologies to all you millennials -- the Disney Channel never prepared you for all this.
←Rate | 09-28-2017 20:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The reason grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup are such a great combination is because they are the same basic ingredients as pizza.
←Rate | 07-29-2017 08:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just remember son -- when you text a girl, you are also texting at least 5 of her friends.
←Rate | 09-02-2017 23:44 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sarcasm is the ability to insult stupid people without them realizing it.
←Rate | 09-25-2017 18:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Brain? encased in hard skull. Heart and lungs? protected by a thick bony cage. Balls? just hanging there, waiting to be smashed
←Rate | 02-26-2018 14:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I saw a woman at Walmart with March Madness teeth.. She was down to the final four.
←Rate | 03-14-2018 07:30 by MDS Comments (0)  


   messageicon if the Earth is flat, then my belly is too.
←Rate | 03-21-2018 16:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The most misinformed people think they know all the facts.
←Rate | 03-24-2018 00:59 by Guess.Who Comments (2)  


   messageicon Maybe the mattress stores could tell us when they are NOT having a sale
←Rate | 03-28-2018 22:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I was a kid, the only password you had to remember was the one that got you into the treehouse.
←Rate | 01-16-2019 14:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Can someone please buy the Kardashian's a box of condoms, thanks
←Rate | 05-20-2018 12:59 Comments (1)  


   messageicon If you have a tattoo on your face, you've lost the right to ask me what I'm looking at
←Rate | 04-17-2018 04:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Russia has been accused of using Facebook to win an election. That's probably the most productive thing ever done on Facebook.
←Rate | 05-19-2018 08:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Seriously contemplating remarrying my ex wife, but I'm pretty sure she'll figure out that I'm just after my money.
←Rate | 05-19-2018 08:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Dos Equis guy: Seriously. What guy DOESN'T think he's the most interesting man in the world after he's had a few beers?
←Rate | 06-18-2018 11:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I get carried away sometimes… Usually because I refuse to leave.
←Rate | 07-16-2018 17:16 by BobbyT Comments (0)  


   messageicon I might get a job cleaning mirrors,its a job I can see myself doing.
←Rate | 07-29-2018 20:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't go jogging in the morning because would just end up splashing coffee everywhere.
←Rate | 08-26-2018 05:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I've learned anything after working in I.T. for twenty five years it's that Dilbert is not a comic strip. It's a documentary.
←Rate | 08-28-2018 07:11 Comments (1)  




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