Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Just bought a new picture frame to hang a photo in my wall that came with a stock photo of a really beutiful family that reminds me of a lot of my facebook friends, who I dont know either.
←Rate | 07-31-2018 15:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon i bought an awesome watch the other day, It was waterproof, shockproof, fireproof, bulletproof, acidproof, childproof & scratchproof. I lost it.
←Rate | 09-23-2018 23:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sure your baby's cute but have you ever seen a chihuahua with the hiccups?
←Rate | 04-16-2018 02:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don’t think we can get through adulthood without a good sense of humor and a strong middle finger.
←Rate | 04-17-2018 13:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wanna see awkward? Hand me a baby.
←Rate | 04-19-2018 02:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you mix vodka, orange juice and milk of magnesia... Do you get a Phillips screwdriver?
←Rate | 05-19-2018 08:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You never really know a woman, until she takes you to court.
←Rate | 05-26-2018 08:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I thought about having sex today and then I remembered that I’m married.
←Rate | 05-27-2018 23:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you mean Elmer Fudd singing "Kill the Wabbit" then yes, I do like opera.
←Rate | 06-03-2018 11:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish I could afford to be as weird as I wanna be.
←Rate | 06-19-2018 04:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Zoning out is your brain’s way of saying “You look bored. Let me take you to a better place.”
←Rate | 07-18-2018 07:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I know there are idiot Savants, but are there Savant idiots ?.. Because lately stupid people sure do think they are smart !
←Rate | 07-21-2018 18:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Hey! No fair! You cleaned the bathrooms last week! It's my turn!" said no one ever.
←Rate | 07-23-2018 08:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A new study says we should change how we feed cows so they don't produce so much of the greenhouse gas methane. First up, they recommend eliminating taco night.
←Rate | 09-10-2018 06:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dearest Neighbors, Please do NOT call the police, it’s not domestic violence or a wild party. It’s football season, that’s just me screaming at my TV.
←Rate | 09-10-2018 06:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love Fall.... Unless it's Cold, Damp and Dark. Then I hate Fall.
←Rate | 09-10-2018 06:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I read this article earlier..that said.."cows have four stomachs"...and I wondered if anyone had checked this?..because it sounds like the sort of thing a cow would come out with to get more food?
←Rate | 09-12-2018 20:39 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think people who use the wrong word should have the humidity to admit it.
←Rate | 09-14-2018 08:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have nothing in common with people who have "left over" pain killers
←Rate | 10-08-2018 12:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Not to brag but you’ll never have to tell me to slow down.
←Rate | 10-12-2018 00:24 Comments (0)  




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