Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Customer service: And how does your name appear on your credit card? "I'd say about 11 pt Arial Bold"
←Rate | 02-26-2018 14:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The first rule of Micromanager Club is ... wait I'll just show you
←Rate | 03-04-2018 10:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon * The older I get the earlier it gets late.
←Rate | 04-13-2018 23:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Who let the dogs out?" - [Pavlov getting annoyed]
←Rate | 11-26-2018 13:23 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just so we're clear, the Grinch never really hated Christmas. He hated people which is perfectly understandable.
←Rate | 12-11-2018 08:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Place aluminum foil in a paper shredder ... BOOM TINSEL !!
←Rate | 12-14-2018 20:52 by JCGJ Comments (0)  


   messageicon My New Years resolution for 2019 is to be more assertive if that's okay with you guys?
←Rate | 12-27-2018 15:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A message to whoever stole my shoes while I was playing in the ball pit at Chucky Cheese yesterday.. GROW UP!!
←Rate | 12-27-2018 15:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Having a non stick pan with a sticker stuck on it saying non stick pan is one of the reasons I don’t think humans deserve control over earth
←Rate | 01-09-2019 01:37 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Coffee spelled backwards is "eeffoc". Just know that I don't give eeffoc until I've had my morning coffee.
←Rate | 03-15-2019 07:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If Lassie was a cat, little Timmy would've died in that well...
←Rate | 06-01-2019 16:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Get rid of the "quality check" section on the Domino's pizza tracker. I know what I'm getting myself into here.
←Rate | 08-08-2019 06:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The best Safeword you can use is "Meatloaf." It means "I would do anything for love but I won't do that."
←Rate | 09-04-2019 07:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I had this crazy nightmare where I actually enjoyed my job. Thank God I woke up before my boss walked in.
←Rate | 09-16-2019 20:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon At my age, "getting lucky" means being able to find my car in the parking lot.
←Rate | 09-26-2019 13:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon More bad news for Millennials. Hangovers hurt worse the older you get...
←Rate | 08-22-2017 15:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon People say "If you want loyalty, get a dog," but my dog would abandon me in a dark alley for a pizza crust, so maybe loyalty has layers.
←Rate | 09-02-2017 06:40 by unknowncomic Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only difference between brown nosing and ass kissing is depth perception.
←Rate | 09-12-2017 08:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon if you want a sneak preview of the new IPhone 8 just look at your IPhone 7 and pretend it cost $999 more.
←Rate | 09-15-2017 00:24 by Moon Comments (2)  


   messageicon "Goodbye, everyone. I'll remember you all in therapy." -Me, leaving a family reunion.
←Rate | 09-28-2017 08:36 Comments (0)  




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