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When a cashier asks if you found everything you were looking for, take their hand, look deeply into their eyes and say, "I have now."
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08-17-2017 08:41 by
Moose42
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I miss that feeling you'd get at the video store when you discovered the movie you wanted to rent was available.
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09-24-2017 10:13
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Anyone else find it odd that on Star Trek, when they "boldly go where no one has gone before" they always end up meeting someone?
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05-05-2018 07:14
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Why do recipes say to "preheat oven?" Shouldn't it just be "heat oven?"
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02-21-2019 11:07
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Now it's too hot out to take the Christmas lights down.
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06-28-2019 19:49 by
Moon
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My favorite superheros are.. Baskin and Robbin!
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09-10-2019 15:47
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I'm never more optimistic than when I put fast food restaurant sauce packets in the fridge and think I'm going to use them at some point.
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09-24-2019 15:30
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I saved a ton money on a security system by hanging a picture of my paycheck on the front door.
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08-25-2020 08:37
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This alphabet soup that I spilled on the floor is still more coherent than most Pitbull lyrics.
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09-17-2020 08:47
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Waking up late is a great way to see which steps of your personal hygiene are really unnecessary.
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10-28-2020 07:42
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Why are the people on soap operas always CEOs? Nobody works at Walmart?
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11-23-2020 07:46
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to the people who put antlers and a red rudolph nose on your car for christmas, you can’t fool me I know that’s a car
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11-23-2020 13:47
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The night before a day off is more satisfying than the actual day off
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02-17-2021 12:35
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This is the first good sized snow fall of the season and honestly the weather on TV is acting like the terrorism threat levels just moved up a two.
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12-24-2017 18:21 by
@UncleBSolomon
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I prefer my kale with a silent "K"
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08-04-2017 17:56 by
Otis
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Since I'm getting older I've been thinking about my health. Should I work out 2 hrs a day like Jack Lalanne who was 96? Or chain smoke cigars like George Burns who lived to be 100?
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01-13-2020 09:49
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I cannot believe all of these people are out! -Me when I’m out
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05-11-2020 13:31
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Masks hanging from the rearview mirror are the new fuzzy dice.
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06-09-2020 08:18
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If you eat cake fast enough your Fitbit thinks you're walking
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01-13-2020 09:21
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Next time a telemarketer calls, hit 'em with an "I love you" right off the bat. Just keep saying it, no matter what they say..
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01-30-2020 07:08
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