Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Just imagine if we all actually became what we said we wanted to be when we grew up... The World would be full of Ninjas, Princess, Mermaids and Dragon Slayers....

   Either I am getting huge or Facebook decreased it's font size.

   thinking that Venti must be the Italian word for "you just paid an insane amount of money for a cup of coffee."

   Camping out for black friday is a fun way to prepare for your impending homelessness.

   Enjoy the little things in life, because one day, you'll look back and realize that they were actually big things.

   Stephen Hawking is British? Weird... I never noticed an accent.

   You know you're getting older when you start listening to AM talk radio.

   Do you remember Sit and Spin? No, not the toy... your early drinking days.

   Centers for Disease Control and Prevention posted a blog on their website on May 16 , 2011; concerning Zombie Apocalypse preparedness.... ummmmm is there something the Government not telling us ???

   Children are the gift that keeps on taking...

   had a very confident breakdown today. Wasn't nervous at all.

   When I drop my phone, I act like I've dropped a new born baby.

   If you're gonna blast music through your headphones so everyone can hear, do the rest of us a favor and ask for requests

   Stupid mistakes are made by others. I only make unavoidable errors

   Scooby Doo taught me that the only real monsters are humans.

   In order to help her inner city supporters Hillary is urging President Obama to sign an executive order replacing the word "Looting" with the words "Undocumented Shopping."

   I'm known all over the world for my exaggerations.

   ... Ask Yourself ... If the "Clinton Foundation" is such a Philanthropic entity ... Why didn't a single person mention it during the Democrat Convention? .... NOT EVEN HILLARY HERSELF!!!

   Anyway, I didn't see a debate. I saw two grumpy old married people arguing at Wal Mart.

   Too old for snapchat and too young for Life Alert.