Funny Status Messages

   I can't tell if the vegetarians upstairs are having sex or are finally eating a steak.

   Women come in two types: batsiht crazy and hot enough to ignore the batsiht crazy…

   I heard a guy complaining how expensive his wedding is costing him. Boy, he is gonna be real pist when he finds out how much his divorce is going to cost

   Whoever cast J-Lo in the movie "Anaconda" was a genius, because anacondas don't want none unless you got buns, hun.

   Nicotine patches are great. Stick one over each eye and you can't find your cigarettes

   Whenever you see a sword swallower perform, it makes you wonder what sort of activities they used to do to make them realize they had this talent.

   likes saying YOU'RE WELCOME really loudly when people don't thank you.

   Parent:What does 'WTF' mean?! Kid:ummm...welcome to facebook!

   The only instant messaging I do is with my middle finger.

   i thought I saw you today, but as I got closer, I realized it was a trash can

   why does looking at animals covered in oil make me sad, but looking at animals covered in batter and deep-fried in oil make me hungry?

   On a scale of 1 to "Me".. how smart are you?

   May the 4th be with you.

   I wonder if gay people ever say things like "Oh my god that is SO straight."

   "Every time I see a mattress on top of a car I think it's a prostitute making house calls."

   You can't have a Consumer-based economy if none of the consumers have jobs and can't afford to consume!!!

   Reminder - Valentine's Day is only a couple weeks away, it's not too late to break up..........

   Dear automatic flushing toilet, I appreciate the enthusiasm... but I wasnt finished..

   Male bats have the highest rate of homosexuality than any other mammal. Well, that explains Edward.

   “A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie.”