santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Ever notice your Christmas stocking has just enough room for chocolates and a bottle of wine. Coincidence? I don't think soooo.

   One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister." Santa Clause wrote him back, "OK, send me your mother.

   Spice up the holidays with random quotation marks: "Merry" Christmas to your family / Merry Christmas to "your" family / Merry Christmas to your "family"

   Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, but the very next day, you said you were gay.

   why is Santa so jolly? Cause he knows where all the naughty girls live.

   I really hope that I don't get another sweater for Christmas. I'd much prefer a moaner or a screamer. lol!

   During the holidays people have to make a choice between enjoying the holidays or spending it with the relatives.

   There are 361 days until Christmas and people already have their lights up. This is getting ridiculous.

   Big moment here: I just finished building that gingerbread house for the holidays.

   You people can keep blaming your weight or tight fitting clothes on the holidays if you want, but I am not going to lie to myself, most of you were Fat in December too

   I guess I’ll take my Christmas tree down today.

   Hacked into Santa's computer and obtain is naughty girls list........ Looks like there be no more lonely nights for me.

   WIFE: I regret getting you that blender for Christmas. ME: {drinking toast} Why?

   Why do the Flintstones celebrate Christmas?....any scholars out there?

   FACT : If someone is playing Xmas music in October, you're legally allowed to kill them and use their corpse as a Halloween decoration.

   You've already put up your Christmas tree? That's nothing. I'm already drunk for St. Patrick's Day.

   “Ho ho oh my God I can’t stop giggling!” -Santa Claus, after eating cookies in homes across Canada

   I was Christmas shopping for a friend's daughter... I asked what she was into and he said "anything Frozen" So, I got her a bag of peas and some pizza rolls.

   With all the Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas iteam for sale at the sametime in the stores they should call it Hallogivemas sale.

   Good news for insomniacs! Only 2 more sleeps to Christmas!