Mom or Mother Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon My mother always told me to never quit something I'm good at. So here is to her for making me realize that i'm good at being drunk!
←Rate | 03-28-2012 21:02 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon a single father of about 4 million kids swimming around fighting to make it to their mother's egg
←Rate | 06-20-2010 23:01 by Danmanz Comments (0)  

   messageicon In Mother Russia, we don't shoot for the stars, the stars shoot for us
←Rate | 02-16-2013 19:28 by Yaj Comments (0)  

   messageicon NEWS FLASH: The mother who injected her 8 year old daughter with Botox looses custody... *The child didn't look surprised.
←Rate | 11-12-2013 17:09 by snotty Comments (1)  

   messageicon 2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout "air in the hands mother stickers this is a f*ck up"
←Rate | 08-15-2010 12:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dear Mother Nature, hey, thanks [sneezes] for choosing POLLEN for plant, really[sneezes]....the stuff is great.....
←Rate | 03-05-2010 22:54 by JG Comments (0)  

   messageicon Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men Eve could have married, and she didn't have to hear about how well Adam’s mother cooked.
←Rate | 01-07-2013 19:00 by Anita Dicken Comments (0)  

   messageicon Happy Mother's Day! Mom's are the REAL MVP.
←Rate | 05-10-2015 11:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just found a scary-looking Pokemon on my living room sofa, but then I realized it was my mother-in-law.
←Rate | 08-04-2016 14:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon there a deadbeat son-in-law of all bombs somewhere complaining about his mother-in-law of all bombs?
←Rate | 04-13-2017 17:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Kid, “Did you feel that? Was that an earthquake?” Husband, “No it was just your mother coming down the stairs.” And that, folks, is how to end a marriage in 10 words or less.
←Rate | 04-20-2018 02:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I'm old enough to be your mother we can't date. Just kidding. Go ask for your allowance and buy me a drink.
←Rate | 10-25-2012 13:37 by Susan Comments (0)  

   messageicon My wife has asked me to get her some gloves to wear at her mother's funeral. Does anyone know where I can buy those giant foam fingers?
←Rate | 04-15-2012 14:04 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The worst sight in the world is...SEEING YOUR MOTHER CRY.
←Rate | 10-01-2011 09:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My mother called Information. While I'm sitting here with my laptop, she called Information. Even the Amish dont call information anymore
←Rate | 07-26-2011 23:24 by BEGO Comments (0)  

   messageicon Son: Where did I come from daddy? Dad: Your Mother Son: Where did she come from? Dad: THE DEPTHS OF HELL!!!!!
←Rate | 02-28-2012 13:33 by Baddie Comments (0)  

   messageicon If a lawyer and your mother-in-law were drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go watch TV or just have a drink?
←Rate | 10-30-2011 14:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Next time the bully asks you for your lunch money, tell him you left it on his mother's dresser.
←Rate | 10-25-2011 18:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I've officially met everyone's mother yesterday via Facebook so I'm pretty sure that takes me out of the friend zone here ladies
←Rate | 05-12-2014 08:52 by Joseph Robert Comments (0)  

   messageicon Never tell your wife she is just like her mother, even if it's true.
←Rate | 05-29-2014 00:56 Comments (0)  

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