Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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Page: 68 of 6387

   messageicon Facebook just suggested I poke my wife.....yeah good one Facebook.....been trying for weeks!
←Rate | 08-28-2018 09:05 by Stevielea Comments (2)  


   messageicon What makes Elon guard his Musk? Courage
←Rate | 06-06-2021 12:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love talking to small children. No adult is ever going to ask me what my 3rd favorite dinosaur is.
←Rate | 08-20-2017 09:27 by Markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon Have you ever been too nice and ended up in a situation that you could have avoided by just being an a$$h*le?
←Rate | 07-28-2021 02:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Have you ever smelled moth balls? How did you get their little legs apart?
←Rate | 06-15-2021 02:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The most blatant way to flaunt wealth, is to shoot a box of ammo at a plywood target.
←Rate | 06-06-2021 04:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means that I dropped them on the way from the dryer. That's all.
←Rate | 12-08-2017 11:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The biggest mistake you make with us truth-seekers, is you think we want to be right. Trust me, we wish we were wrong.
←Rate | 08-17-2022 02:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary.
←Rate | 08-18-2022 03:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Have you ever had a conversation with someone and realize half way through that you’re going to need crayons to explain it to them?
←Rate | 04-22-2021 09:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Joe Biden wants to put coke back in cocaine, or you know, the thing.
←Rate | 04-28-2022 18:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Jill Biden tries cocaine for the first time, says it needs more coke.
←Rate | 04-28-2022 18:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tradition (n.) Peer pressure from dead people.
←Rate | 08-05-2021 04:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon We live in a time where smart people are silenced so that stupid people won’t be offended.
←Rate | 06-15-2021 03:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Her: What is this pile of clothes on the floor? Me: I struck down a Jedi. Her: I h*te you. Me: Yes, use your h*te.
←Rate | 07-28-2021 03:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My immune system was built by my grandmas and aunts licking their thumbs to wipe food off my face.
←Rate | 03-11-2021 10:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The most terrifying moment in life is when the toilet refuses to flush at someone else's house
←Rate | 01-10-2018 04:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm so old that the only room I can go into and remember why is the bathroom.
←Rate | 10-23-2018 19:42 by Haha Comments (2)  


   messageicon If I were a cannibal I'd only eat vegetarians, just for the irony...
←Rate | 09-18-2017 21:38 by XX-FOXY Comments (0)  


   messageicon Look I'm not saying I'm old, but when I was young rainbows were black and white..
←Rate | 01-30-2020 07:09 Comments (0)  




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