Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 68 of 6387
Facebook just suggested I poke my wife.....yeah good one Facebook.....been trying for weeks!
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08-28-2018 09:05 by Stevielea
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What makes Elon guard his Musk? Courage
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06-06-2021 12:36
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I love talking to small children. No adult is ever going to ask me what my 3rd favorite dinosaur is.
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08-20-2017 09:27 by Markf
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Have you ever been too nice and ended up in a situation that you could have avoided by just being an a$$h*le?
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07-28-2021 02:57
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Have you ever smelled moth balls? How did you get their little legs apart?
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06-15-2021 02:50
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The most blatant way to flaunt wealth, is to shoot a box of ammo at a plywood target.
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06-06-2021 04:39
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A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means that I dropped them on the way from the dryer. That's all.
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12-08-2017 11:39
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The biggest mistake you make with us truth-seekers, is you think we want to be right. Trust me, we wish we were wrong.
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08-17-2022 02:32
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The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary.
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08-18-2022 03:25
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Have you ever had a conversation with someone and realize half way through that you’re going to need crayons to explain it to them?
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04-22-2021 09:04
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Joe Biden wants to put coke back in cocaine, or you know, the thing.
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04-28-2022 18:07
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Jill Biden tries cocaine for the first time, says it needs more coke.
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04-28-2022 18:08
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Tradition (n.) Peer pressure from dead people.
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08-05-2021 04:19
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We live in a time where smart people are silenced so that stupid people won’t be offended.
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06-15-2021 03:41
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Her: What is this pile of clothes on the floor? Me: I struck down a Jedi. Her: I h*te you. Me: Yes, use your h*te.
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07-28-2021 03:21
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My immune system was built by my grandmas and aunts licking their thumbs to wipe food off my face.
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03-11-2021 10:07
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The most terrifying moment in life is when the toilet refuses to flush at someone else's house
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01-10-2018 04:59
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I'm so old that the only room I can go into and remember why is the bathroom.
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10-23-2018 19:42 by Haha
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If I were a cannibal I'd only eat vegetarians, just for the irony...
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09-18-2017 21:38 by XX-FOXY
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Look I'm not saying I'm old, but when I was young rainbows were black and white..
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01-30-2020 07:09
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