Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Not to brag, but I still haven’t buttoned my pants back up from last Thanksgiving.

   Gen X. Living in the shadows of Baby Boomers, yet not as identifiable as Millennials. A generation of nothingness whose sole contribution to society is giving birth to Gen Z. Those annoying imbeciles.

   One minute you are young and the next minute you are predicting the weather with your bad knee.

   Why do lesbos pleasure themselves with plastic dil-dos instead of plastic vag-ginas?

   I need a scary movie that's gonna make me paranoid for the rest of my life.

   The Dow Jones: where your nest egg goes to get scrambled."

   My favourite stories are reading about the ones who voted for him whose lives are being destroyed right now. Now that's comedy!

   We are becoming a “pay forward slavery” society we are enslaving future generations to pay for our mistakes today.

   If I’ve learned anything from the Kardashians it’s that I shouldn’t let my complete lack of talent hold me back.

   After hitting that pothole I can see Spring’s in the air…along with a wheel and the rest of my suspension.

   My last relationship ended cause he wanted a long distance relationship, well he told me to go to hell

   Guy: I have Covid. Girl: Oh, you mean a mild cold? Guy: What, I can't milk this? Girl: Um... no.

   My mother and I play a drinking game. We do a shot every time the debt talks collapse.

   Of the last four Presidents, guess which two were never on Epstein's jet?

   I still have the Wooden Nickels I collected as a kid. I was an early investor in Birchcoin.

   Things I hate: Gross pay - $2,257. Net pay - $1,138.

   I wonder if the police let Luigi Mangione finish his Happy Meal...

   Saw a UPS guy come out of the forest with a package. Guess a bear does ship in the woods.

   Tried using AI to create art. Now I have a picture of a horse with three legs and a coffee addiction. Modern tech is amazing!

   Of course Hamas has rejected the United States offers. Because he's a terrible negotiator. He's laughed at by most of the planet and no one respects him because he's such a goof.