Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
Has anyone noticed that the folks who claim,, "Eating turkey on Thanksgiving is cruel and unethical", just happen to also be the "Pro-Choice" crowd? 
In an effort to repay her $20 million campaign debt, Kamala Harris has scheduled a fight with Jake Paul.
It's tax time. Every time we drive up to our new tax guy's office, he says the same thing. "You two weren't tailed, were you?"
Will never understand people who look both ways before entering the traffic circle?
Dump means it, or doesn't mean it, or didn't mean it but now means it, or he meant it but now doesn't mean he meant it, or he didn't mean he meant it but now doesn't mean he means it, or he does, or he doesn't, or maybe he's a stupid f*cking lying cvnt
Q. What do men want in a woman? A. XX chromosomes.
If everything tastes like us, then why do we have to die? –Chickens
I'll never own a German Shepherd dog. Have you ever noticed how many of their owners go blind?
Hey bro, just because you have on a Tapout shirt doesn't mean you can't get your arse beat!
Elon Musk has given a whole new meaning to the term Flipping the Bird.
Dear Autocorrect: It's never "duck." It is NEVER "duck."
No matter whether you liked the halftime performance or not, one thing is certain. That dressing room stunk afterwards.
I'm excited to announce that I have completed the first item on my bucket list. I have the bucket.
Life in Kentucky is weird, for example we can't make ice anymore because the old lady with the recipe died
We got a new 12 pack of large eggs. Looking to trade for 2022 or newer Range Rover with low miles. DM for pics of the eggs.
They say do something today that makes the world a better place….so I’m getting drunk.
I just vacuumed up a nickel and it sounded like the crescendo from Ride of The Valkyries.
Despite the high cost of living, it still remains popular.
What's the difference between most hispanics at the border and stoners?
Storners have papers.....
I will never drive a Jeep because you have to wave at other Jeep owners and I don't need that kind of pressure in my life. 