Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   trying to figure out how to set my laser printer to stun

   planning on living forever- so far, so good

   wondering if its cool in China to get English words tattooed on their arms.

   's inner child has diaper rash.

   microwaving metal objects.

   people are really clever on facebook they always now what day it is and they always want to tell you its friday

   the funny thing about this message is that one you realize its pointless its too late to stop ;)

   cooler then the other side of the pillow

   Jon & Kate's marital counselor.

   Bad Spellers Untie!

   offering to buy 85% of GM with 10% more than the Government offer. payment will be by Creit Card.

   hitting higher highs, and lower lows

   Just figured out Blues Clues!!!!

   drinking till I'm someone else's problem

   stuck in second gear.

   feels used and unwanted, like the two chocolate halves of an Oreo cookie after someone has already licked the cream out of them.

   give me what I want, and no one gets hurt

   not shy -- I'm studying my prey.

   can't find Tom on facebook.

   FREE TIBET! *Offer only valid with purchase of another Tibet of equal or greater value. Void where prohibited"