Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   ANOTHER DAY has passed by and I still HAVEN’T USED a²+b²=c²

   I'm skipping the house-building stage, saving time and effort. I'm just gonna eat all the gingerbread and frosting first. Yum!

   He didn’t back down on anything. 70+ countries have reached out to negotiate trade deals, which is exactly what he wanted. Those countries have had tariffs limited to only 10% for 90 days pending a negotiation.

   To borrow a biblical term, couldn’t the quest for a Covid-19 vaccine be called “the road to de-mask us?

   Ladies and Gentleman, I’ve traveled a long way, crossed many bridges, fought my way through countless obstacles, all to bring you this one sad truth about life. There’s never enough beer.

   Stressed spelled backwards is desserts . . . . It all makes sense now

   First rule of family gatherings, always bring your own vehicle so you can leave when you want.

   Aliens traveled millions of light years to get here to visit New Jersey.

   My wife asked me what new hairstyle she should get, so I held my breath until I passed out.

   My neighbors were up shouting all night. It got so bad I could barely hear my Bagpipes.

   If Taylor Swift wasn't musically successful, at best, she'd be a weekend weather forecaster on a local news station.

   I don't hate you but I'd pay to see you take a Trailer hitch to the shin !

   Summer: Hair gets lighter. Skin gets darker. Water gets warmer. Drinks get colder. Music gets louder. Night gets longer. Life gets better. Wait... what? The humidity? Kindly disregard all.

   OK. Who decided to call it an allergist and not an antisneeziologist?

   wondering what the weather's like in India. I think I'll call my bank and find out..🙂

   Seriously though, how do Gremlins know when it’s after midnight?

   My new SUV has a button " rear wiper"..I'm afraid to push it.....

   Hey guys, lets confuse the girls..245/35R18

   Look at it this way. Swift can now go back to doing what she does best... indoctrinating little 9 year old girls into becoming future man-haters.

   I learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice.