Funny Status Messages
Search Messages:
Elton John is to release a charity record for victims of the Kentucky tornado disaster! "Candles In The Wind" 
Apparently sticking gum in a girl's hair no longer counts as flirting.
During filming of an episode of 'Happy Days' in 1976, The Fonz had a stroke causing him to say "Eyyyyyyyy" for 4 months straight.
Relationship status: My hand told me it has a headache.
The only thing that distinguishes us from dogs is their ability to learn from their mistakes
The worlds greatest marionette is Putin. He has Trump as a puppet and I can’t even see the strings.
Fun fact about me. I, too, was once a train wreck in Ohio.
Han Solo gets killed by his son Kylo Ren.. You're welcome
My favorite yoga pose is downward facing in a bowl of mashed potatoes
Joe Biden: You know I properly planned my day when I can squeeze in that 3rd nap.
Sorry, I meant to say why does Trump keep bringing up Biden's past. Sorry for the mistake.
Yo I'm not even American and I hate your your dumb a$$ . Justin Bieber just send me a text from Canada he said he hates your dumb A$$ wait wait Jose Rodriguez from Mexico email me and said ( te odio maldito idiota)
Revenge sounds so mean-spirited and hurtful. I prefer to think of it as returning the favor.
The Beyond Meat COO was arrested for biting a man’s nose. Once again proving you just can’t beat the real thing.
people who hate Ed Hardy clothes are the ones who cant afford them
They should make a Morning After pill for people who eat an entire large pizza the night before.
Don't laugh at adults that still believe in Santa Clause, we have adults that still believe in Joe's build back better.
Sometimes you just have to play the role of a fool in order to fool the fool who thinks they are fooling you.
I don’t like to brag, but I only buy the organic free-range Cadbury® Eggs.
me: *opens one eye* I’m still awake spider: *removes leg from my mouth and backs away* sorry 