Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 6192 of 6370
wonders why does his wife insist on watching shows in standard def when we have the high def equivilent on our cable system?
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01-10-2010 15:06
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While Simon Cowell was in Los Angeles for "American Idol," his home in London was robbed. Police say it was the work of professional thieves. Cowel described the thieves as "amateurish and uninspired."
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01-10-2010 14:37 by tomcall
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The probability of the bread falling buttered side down is directly proportional to the price of the carpet.
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01-10-2010 13:30
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In the mcdonalds parking lot banging your girlfriend.
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01-10-2010 12:23 by Anthony
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the world may be falling apart around you, but as long as you're wearing Miley Cyrus merchandise you'll be alright.
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01-10-2010 11:37 by Tyler
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those that matter don't mind and those that mind don't matter
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01-10-2010 11:10 by fefe
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So far this year, my hindsight is only 20/10.
I just busted my Gold Fish smoking seaweed. No wonder he was always hungry and paranoid.
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01-10-2010 00:35 by Vito
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if you replaced every time you read, wand, in a Harry Potter book, with the word Willy, the hilarity is immense.
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01-09-2010 23:13
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Mr. Howell's and Gingers' love child
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01-09-2010 23:01 by lexman
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did you know racecar spelled backwards is racecar
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01-09-2010 22:36 by shippy
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So here we are at the beginning of a new year. After spending this past week reflecting on 2009, I've discovered that I was right 98% of the time, so I'm not really concerned with the other 3% when I was mistaken
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01-09-2010 21:15 by Spence
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..thinks some people here have the mentality of a retarded turtle. But it's nice to see that monkeys can actually type these days. I knew that £2 a month I was donating towards the RSPCA would come to some good. Keyboard monkeys. Who'da thunk it?
all of this sub-zero whether is putting a damper on my flag pole licking
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01-09-2010 19:34
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watering a fake plant
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01-09-2010 19:30
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Ok, it's 2010...Where the hell is my jet pack?
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01-09-2010 19:25
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my husband dropped me off at work. Ten minutes later I got a text saying "I just dropped the b*tch off I'll be there in a few baby, miss you". I asked him about it he said "I don't know what you're talking about Megan". My name isn't Megan.
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01-09-2010 18:59
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ok I have received those emails and basically.. "Yes I do want a bigger penis, but not if there's a flipping virus attached!"
The other day, Senator Chris Dodd unveiled his plan to reduce corruption in the Senate. He's retiring.
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01-09-2010 16:58 by tomcall
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to get what we've never had, we must do what we've never done!
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01-09-2010 16:33 by Ms
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