Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   logged into your facebook account and sending friend requests to transexuals

   thinks the most used sexual position amoung married couples is doggy style, the husband sits and begs and the wife rolls over and plays dead.

   Okay people, if you are driving a small car, and are not towing a trailer or driving a semi; you have no business coming into the left lane to negotiate a right turn

   How to eat an Oreo: First you twist it...... Oh it broke...

   logged into your facebook account and rearanging your farm!

   If money grows on trees, I wanna be in the shade.

   People need to pay up..im not a money tree, and I dont work for free.

   I actually saw some video of where I was when I went to Haiti and the sad thing was not much had changed.

   only going to marry a very old man with a very bad cough...

   (RAH)² (AH)³ + [ROMA (1+MA)] + (GA)² + (OOH)(LA)²

   Bartending at the Betty Ford Clinic

   Women who chase after younger men are called "Cougars" whereas men who chase after younger women are called "Men".

   how many people have gone to bed so angry with someone you've pretended to have a nightmare, just so you can roll over and punch them in the head

   trying to find the All-Spark before Megatron uses it to transform all of Earth's machines and destroy the planet to harvest the Energon source. Wish me and Sam luck...

   at the supermarket dropping Cucumbers and KY Jelly into random peoples trolleys !!

   spring cleaning her head, this could take a while...

   You ever wonder how much more advanced this whole world would be IF we only had one religion AND racism never existed?

   thought about dozens of Vampire movies and shows for the past decade and wondered which ones sucked the life out him and the ones that just sucked.

   if love were a blow pop then I would blow you forever.

   ..have you noticed that when you take "the" and "IRS" and put them together,it spells "theirs"?