Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Trying to quit smoking. By the way.. Apologies go out to the mormon missionary eating the junior mint..I tried to tell you..I don't do mormon but menthol is my brand...I hope your recovery goes quickly.

   looking for a leprechaun. I've already shook down all the midgets and short people I know. Guess it takes a real leprechaun to get to that pot of gold.

   Who in the heck thought it was a good idea to pull a foot off a rabbit and use it as a lucky charm? If it wasn't lucky for the rabbit why would it be lucky for me??

   The chinese have a serious translation problem. For instance, a translator would have been a good idea when they put "poo poo platters" on their menus....

   if you are over weight and have trouble going up stairs, put a biscuit on each step!!

   Who does everyone listen to and no one believe? The weatherman.

   A Bachelor is one who never chases a woman he couldn't outrun.

   dyslexics UNTIE!

   My favorite character on Spongebob Squarepants in the guys that yells "MY LEG!"

   The best vitamin to be a happy person is B1.

   I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

   So, I read today that NASCAR is getting fuel injection.... I also learned that when they hit 88 mph the new cars travel through time back to 1985, when the rest of us had fuel injection.

   I havn't seen it rain this hard since Tim Tebow lost to Alabama...

   I hate it when you hang out with MC Hammer, and he never lets you touch anything

   Multiply that by infinity & take it 2 the depths of forever & then you will have some vague idea what I'm talkin about...

   Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

   Thinking about moving to Haiti, so I can get a free ride to the U.S, housed, clothed, $450. food stamp per month, and get government money along with job.

   in a relationship ♥ with Samuel Adams

   Some of my best relationships now are with people who I dont have relationships with anymore.....

   Oops! Something went wrong. We don't give two sh!ts if you waste the next hour trying to understand why you can't post anything You may be able to try again, whatever!