Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   '̿'̿̿\̵͇̿̿\з=(•̪●)=ε/̵͇̿̿/'̿'̿ ̿

   needs to rent a Toyota for a few days, so he has a good excuse of why he's been running over people he doesn't like....damn sticky accelerator.

   wants to remind all you out there that the proper way to annunciate it is "ValentiNes day" - not valentiMes day

   iPad...for when you have your iPeriod

   apple today announced the Ipod for senior citzens ....... its like the Ijitterbug

   thinks the iPad is about as anti-climactic as Obama's first year in office

   Adults do have cooties..........We call it STD's

   Supports Bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

   Just saw a commercial with Billy Mays. He must have the same agent as Tupac and Osama bin laden.

   I have a dentist appointment tomorrow. Which means I have nineteen hours to do six months of flossing.

   wants an iPad! Not crazy about the name though...sounds too much like an electronic feminine hygene product

   will wait for Apple to unveil the more powerful version: the maxiPad.

   If sugar cookies are made with sugar, chocolate chip cookies are made with chocolate chips, what are Girl Scout cookies made with?

   if corn oil is made from corn, vegtable oil made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

   A baby-sitter is a teenager acting like an adult while the adults are out acting like teenagers

   What do you get when you cross PMS with a GPS? A bi*ch who will track you down

   believes NASA could help erase some of the national debt by charging to take people up in the shuttle that need to discover the world doesn't revolve around them.

   lets do a 68...you do me and I owe you one.

   just read a sign on the highway that says "Observe Warning signs! State Law". if you don't observe warning signs, you wont see it. Just curious....WHAT IS THE POINT!?!

   I'm one of the few women Tiger Woods didn't sleep with. That makes me feel proud but at the same time I feel kinda rejected. :(