Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I miss the days before there was facebook when running into a friend you hadn't seen in while was like "Oh my God! what have you been up to?!" thats now like "Hey, I saw the casserole you posted last night, looked great"

   I know there are idiot Savants, but are there Savant idiots ?.. Cause lately stupid people sure do think they are smart !

   "The Greek Freak forgot the recipe to success. You run team to team chasing championships." Lebron James

   Why a billionaire is asking for help to pay his legal expenses? you can't be that stupid right?

   If I gotta wait a half hour after eating before getting in the pool, let’s face it, I’m never getting in the pool.

   if sunflower oil is made of sunflowers and vegetable oil is made of vegetables, whats baby oil made of?

   I find it suspicious that the un-vaccinated are now getting the worst of the virus. Just joking, I'm not that stupid to think it's suspicious.

   Pfizer: raising the deads (viagra) and now saving the livings (vac)

   I may have a big ego, but at least it's not, "use a sharpie to alter a National Weather Service Map because I couldn't handle speaking in error" big.

   My mom took a picture of me in 1983 using a camera with a flashcube and the light in my eyes just stopped flashing.

   I get it cicadas, I too come once every seven years

   *on hold for over an hour That guy playing the piano must be exhausted.

   Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, maybe you’ll hit a billionaire’s rocket ship

   My wife asked me why I was speaking so softly at home. I told her I was afraid Mark Zuckerberg was listening! She laughed. I laughed. Alexa laughed. Siri laughed.

   Just been to the gym and there’s a new machine. Only used it for an hour, as I started to feel sick. It’s good though. It does everything: Kit-Kats, Mars Bars, Snickers, etc.

   Rompers are cute and all until you have to pee in a public bathroom. There’s no cute way to execute that. You’re now in an episode of naked and afraid.

   Got the results of my history exam. Past.

   Affiliate belong to or Blog Website Just a FEW Clicks Away all for forgive start Today!

   Jury Duty is where the government calls you when they want and says, "Hey Bro, we need you to solve a murder, here's $15.00."

   If anyone gets a message from me about canned meat don't open it. It's spam.