Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   worried that Elmo knows where I live....

   I said a hip hop the hippie the hippie to the hip hip hop, a you dont stop the rock it to the bang bang boogie say up jumped the boogie to the rhythm of the boogie, the beat

   freedom means to yell "Fire" in a crowded theater!

   I Cried for New Shoes, Until I Saw Someone With No Feet

   A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle!

   But officer, I wasn't texting while driving! I was updating my status!

   I really hate it when people say "that sucks" like it really makes the situation any better.

   People are going to start thinking we're crazy, well just me, you went past crazy ages ago.

   So it turns out that "The Love Shack" does, indeed, turn up on your bank statement.

   When the outcome of what I strive for is consistently determined by things completely out of my control, my give-a-damn reacts accordingly. I'm just sayin'...

   once watched a movie for 30 minutes waiting for a commercial so he could grab a snack -- then remembered it was a DVD.

   A lot of peeps these days have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don't have a J.O.B.

   Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.

   Next time you try to look hot in your profile pic, check the scenery. There's a dookie in the toilet behind you! Not hot!!!!

   THE MOST CONFUSING DAY IN THE GHETTO IS FATHER'S DAY....

   Freedom means the right to yell Theater in a crowded fire

   (Q) Why are there no female hockey players in the NHL? (A) They don't want to go through 3 periods each game

   who is the biggest prostitute alive? Mrs. pacman , because for 25 cents that bi*ch will swallow balls until she dies!

   After an object has been assembled, theres always extra components will be found on the bench.

   Period pains? Try having a b0ner in jeans....