Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   What if they're not stars, but instead holes poked in the top of the container so we can breathe?

   To end the Corvid how about we give those who don't really need $600 extra per week to go on vacation with so they stay home.

   Due to all that's happened so far this year, I have no choice but to deduct 2 stars from my original TripAdvisor review of Earth.

   It cost me $0 to cut you off and believe me, I love free stuff...

   When I first noticed you from across the room, I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life avoiding you.

   To end the coin storage let us all join together as a nation and dig into our couch cushions where we all should be sitting to help end the Coronavirus.

   I'm so old I remember when the UPS guy used to throw package on my porch and run away for no reason.

   If you love a socialite set them free, if they come back to you be careful as they might have been Coronavirus.

   How many instruments must you be terrible at before you start playing the triangle?

   I was at a restaurant tonight & I saw the "caution wet floor" sign. I wonder how blind people know. those signs don't have braille

   Coronavirus task force, "If someone dies with COVID-19 we are counting that as a COVID-19 death."

   I bought a Swanson's Hungry Man TV dinner. I guess that would be enough if the Hungry man was a starving Ethiopian.

   The further a society drifts from the truth, The more it will hate those who speak it...

   If we don't stop socializing to slow the Coronavirus we need to start thinking about what kind of world will leave behind for Keith Richards.

   They should change the name of Facebook to “whineonline”

   Bought some prescribe pills to improve my memory. But I keep forgetting to take them.

   Based on the amount of laundry I do, I'm pretty sure there are people living here that I haven't met yet...

   "How about a scarf?" - Johnny Depp's stylist every day!

   If Kamala is such a ho, why can't I find any nude pics of her on the internet, unlike a certain someone I know?

   I didn't hit you... I high fived your face