father OR dad Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Girls are too sensitive. She said she was having twins and I said, "At least you'll finally have 2 kids by the same father."
←Rate | 08-30-2013 08:58 by Baddie Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm white, but not "know where my father is" white.
←Rate | 06-21-2013 13:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If on Father's day you don't post a picture of your dad carrying you as a baby, I'm not sure you really "love" him.
←Rate | 06-18-2013 12:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dear God, I could have wished a happy Father's day but decided against it considering how an absent, unaring and neglecting dead-beat dad you have been. I bet Kanye West would make a better father than you.
←Rate | 06-17-2013 02:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon father's day is a great time to stop into a strip club to remind yourself that you could have done worse as a father.
←Rate | 06-16-2013 21:25 by Michael Comments (0)  

   messageicon I would wish my father a Happy Father's Day on Facebook but I blocked him
←Rate | 06-16-2013 17:21 by J.D. Comments (0)  

   messageicon Remember to wish your dad a happy Father's Day, as well as thanking him for not wiping you up in a tissue.
←Rate | 06-16-2013 13:03 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dear God, Happy Father's Day.
←Rate | 06-16-2013 12:35 by J.D. Comments (0)  

   messageicon In honor of Father's Day, I came up with a bourbon and cookie diet that is going to make me so rich... And fat... And drunk... Well, at least two of those
←Rate | 06-16-2013 10:30 by Fluff!! Comments (0)  

   messageicon For Father's Day, I just want to wear my Crocs and Ed Hardy shirt and still be loved.
←Rate | 06-16-2013 10:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Father's Day; the most confusing day in a trailer park where chances are your father might also be your older brother.
←Rate | 06-16-2013 03:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The ONLY 2 acceptable excuses a man can't spend time with his child is if he's DEAD or IN JAIL, Happy Father's Day
←Rate | 06-16-2013 01:58 by @seddy90 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Dear Dad. Thanks for not pulling out. Happy Father's Day!
←Rate | 06-15-2013 22:10 Comments (0)  

   messageicon All I want for Father's Day is the last freakin donut.
←Rate | 06-13-2013 22:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Belichick, Brady, & Tebow: The NFL's Father, Son, & Holy Ghost.
←Rate | 06-10-2013 18:59 by @tjshomedotcom Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you have never said "Luke, I am your father" into an empty pringles can, then you probably should get on that
←Rate | 06-09-2013 21:56 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon Our Father who art in Chicago. Hockey be thy name. Thy will be done, the Cup will be won, on the ice as well as in the stands.
←Rate | 06-06-2013 19:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A pregnancy test that also tells who the father is. But instead of a stick, you pee on Maury Povich. Don't worry, he's into it. TRUST ME
←Rate | 05-31-2013 08:54 by Czovczov Comments (0)  

   messageicon My dad's ability to drive with one hand while reaching back and smacking the right child, somehow always impressed me... Happy father's day dad!
←Rate | 05-20-2013 13:37 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon There have been more collect calls in history on Father's Day than on any other day of the year.
←Rate | 05-16-2013 08:11 by Danmanz Comments (0)  

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