Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Alcohol was my dad's answer to everything. He didn't drink. He was just lousy at quizzes.

   If I was an apple product, the name for me would be "iPlease"

   Don'T write HAPPY BIRTHDAY on my wall...Just send ur gift to this address!!

   According to google maps there is no such place as Cougar Town, this show is so full of $hit.

   Stop everything you're doing. Think about me. You're welcome.

   Being real is like being a lady... if you have to tell people you are... you aren't.

   Ladies, if your Facebook status is "It's Complicated" it's really not. It's simple, you have a sh^itty boyfriend, and you're co-dependent.

   Whats the only animal with an a$$hole on the middle of its back? A police horse.

   I'm going to Prehab... On the off chance that I get addictions.

   if we have walkie talkies then why are vacumes not call pushy suckies

   being a die hard 80's fan I really hate what is going on with Brett Michaels. Doctors can't seem to find out what is going on in his head. They might want to check his other head. After Rock of Love all the answers could lie there.. Just sayin

   I hate it when my party can't start because Ke$ha wont walk in...

   if a fly didn't have wings, would it be called "walk" ?

   could it be? Is that water you are walking on? Oh wait, that is just your sh!t hole, sorry about that... thought you were someone who could judge others..

   Walmart sucks. (The money out of my wallet.)

   Pet Peeve #11: Bathroom Pictures. There's no other mirror in your place? Enough already!

   filmed on location with the men and women of law enforcement. All suspects are innocent until proven guilty in the court of law.

   If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other.

   Just realised something; all my role models, idols and people I look upto were all on drugs!! :p

   I met a 14 year old girl on the internet. She was clever, funny, flirty and sexy, so I suggested we meet up. She turned out to be an undercover detective. How cool is that at her age?!