Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5963 of 6370
Don't you wish you go back in time to your high school/college year and tell your younger self "Whatever you do, do NOT sleep with that girl"
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04-30-2010 01:22 by Danmanz
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My boss didn't know I drank, till one day I came to work sober.
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04-30-2010 01:21 by Joser
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Cigarettes and coffee: an alcoholic's best friend !!!!
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04-30-2010 01:18
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coffee: The gasoline of life...
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04-30-2010 01:16 by Joser
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I have often regretted my speech, never my silence...
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04-29-2010 23:31 by Joser
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shall not waste his days in trying to prolong them.
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04-29-2010 23:28 by Joser
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I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with keyboards
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04-29-2010 23:25 by Joser
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The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'
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04-29-2010 23:25 by Joser
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I don't know how to tell my parents they're adopted.
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04-29-2010 23:11 by Joser
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Does "I caught myself singing a Justin Beiber song" go at the beginning or the end of a suicide note?
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04-29-2010 23:09 by Joser
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When down on this hot lesbian, just to taste the rainbow
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04-29-2010 22:57
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thinks we don't need a 51st star with our current economy!
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04-29-2010 22:47
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OMG........ just got pull over by Mt. View PD guess I was going 85 in a 65. The officer ask me "Do you know how fast you were driving". I said "NO my car thought it was a Toyota Prius"
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04-29-2010 22:04 by Markos w
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Rental advertising terminology: Cute=OMG, my closet is bigger than this. Charming=houses still had dirt floors when this was built. Close to transportation=right next to the railroad tracks. One month FREE=your neighbors are crackheads.
thinks people need to quit confusing Facebook with a clothes line. It is not a place to air your dirty laundry.
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04-29-2010 20:27
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Don't hate cuz I'm good; hate cuz you can't compete...
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04-29-2010 19:32 by Joser
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If you don't like me remember it's mind over matter; I don't mind and you don't matter.
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04-29-2010 19:30 by Joser
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Hating is the sincerest form of flattery...
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04-29-2010 19:29 by Joser
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Last night a horse came up to me and told me not to drive home................... Now that I think about it, there might have been a cop sitting on top of it.
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04-29-2010 19:16
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Kevin says: " Ive been poking this girl on facebook for a while.... But I dont get it.. All I do is poke her, and thats it.. no conversation, no thank you... no nothing.. WTF? :]"
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04-29-2010 18:55
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