Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The only change in my life is tha I'm consuming more food than before because nothings here to stop me

   Two new ice cream flavors. Chocolate Chip Happens, and Stay The Fudge Home

   Does anyone fancy breaking the curfew and coming out for a few drinks on Boxing Day?

   3 wks in lockdown widout sugar n aerated drinks.no dairy, bakery items or caffeine! I feel great! No alcohol, fried items 2 hr home workout everyday. Lost 14 Kgs & gained muscle mass!! no idea whose status this was but I decided to copy

   Dear Tummy, do I have tell you separately.its a lockdown. Stay in

   Will someone please put this below ret*rd out of his misery. No one should be allowed to be this stupid.

   Clothing donations and new purchases are going thru the roof when all this is over!!

   “Say hello to my little friend” isn’t threatening. Why would someone be afraid of anyone with their “little friend” hanging out?

   Quarantine tip: your pants will never get too tight if you don’t wear any

   Babysitter rates going up when this things over!

   This is the first time in my life that am seeing a month without a weekend, everyday is everyday

   Dems win the supreme court's seat in Wisconsin.

   * Like rainy days and mondays he always gets me down.

   If it's good news, I'm taking all the credit. If it's bad news, I'm blaming others.

   Covid-19 Log -4/14/20: Shaved my shoulders.

   2000: I don’t want no scrubs 2020: I’m actually gonna need all those scrubs.

   No quarantine has all five: – ur partner – balcony / garden – pasta – quiet neighbours – hi speed wifi

   I went deep sea fishing once and caught what I thought was a marlin, but was actually a catfish with a party hat glued to its face.

   [Considering whether a recipe is easy enough to attempt] Recipe: First, finely chop— Me: I’m out.

   when giving your wife a massage know that there is never a right time to stop. 10 minutes? Don’t think so buddy. 1 hour? Keep going. 7 hours. I want more. The sun enveloping the Earth after a billion years? Now do my shoulders