Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   says Happy Friday @ 5:00 pm! If an ice cold, tall, 22 ounce Miller Lite is wrong, I dont wanna be right...

   You wanna reduce the "Text While Driving Epidemic?" Just create a phone that will input the text as you speak and read you the text you received.....They can bulid it. They have the technology. To make teens live longer and more responsible.

   says all people have the right to stupidity but far far too many people abuse that privilege! o_o

   <---- believes that good things come to those who wait.... or have the money to pay for them! ^_^

   note to self: even if someone really needs it, strangling them is still illegal. o_o

   wonders how crowded the Cinco de Mayo parades will be this year throughout Arizona.

   It took a movie like Blindside and Jesse James' cheating ways for Sandra Bullock to decide to adopt a black baby.

   My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?' 'No,' she answered. I then said, 'Is that your final answer?' She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying 'Yes.' S

   was born cool, but global warming made me hot!

   I don't like to think myself as 'Special' I like to think myself as limited edition

   Finally at my _̴ı̴̴̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡*̡̡ ̴̡ı̴̴̡ ̡̡͡|̲̲̲͡͡͡ ̲▫̲͡ ̲̲̲͡͡π̲̲͡͡ ̲̲͡▫̲̲͡͡ ̲|̡̡̡ ̡ ̴̡ı̴̡̡ ̡͌l̡̡̡

   Some Women say they spend alot of money on makeup to make them look pretty, they also say we spend alot of money on beer but what they dont know is that its also to make them look pretty.

   She was looking through the Chinese phone book earlier. There are so many Wings and Wongs. It must be so easy to Wing a Wong number.

   Ladies if another girl steals your boyfriend, there's no better revenge but to let her keep him

   73% of men don't know what a cookie is. But 99% know how to delete them.

   has the brains of a horse and is hung like Einstein.

   The fact that I can buy a song while on the toilet using my phone means no one is really working on cancer, are they?

   If I was a pirate, instead of having a stupid hook for one hand, I'd upgrade to some cooler attachments, like a blender, maybe a small cannon, some hedge trimmers etc.

   Tito must be taking relationship lessons from Van Damme

   The world`s thinnest book entitled `What Woman Want has only one word written in it,""Everything"!