Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   they should make a whiskey called May... jus for today

   that I swear for every app I block from my newsfeed on FB, three more appear. It's like a computer virus that keeps evolving just to screw with me...

   why should I ever stop smiling when I live in a joke world!

   Teenagers express their burning desires to be different by dressing exactly alike.

   A good friend will take you to the hospital if you fall into a coma. A great friend will draw a mustache on you on the way.

   Does any1 else find it wierd that in the movie "twilight new moon" there are 4 boys running around in the woods shirtless together?!

   facebook baby,i love you,even though you suck. . . or,maybe THAT is why I love you

   asks, What can brown do for you?... Brown will whoop ur ass, just ask Rhianna or Whitney

   waiting for you to say something intelligent .

   you know you've been in a long relationship when you start retiring sex toys

   Why do you bake cookies and cook bacon

   You just read this sentence while I ramble on wasting your short life for no reason at all.

   Weird... I just found a haystack on top of this needle...

   must be destined to be a nomad... nobody can live with me. i'd rather be a gypsy...then, I could go around making people thinner...or dead.

   This world is coming to an end.. Volcanoes, floods, earthquakes, Justin Bieber..

   my scientific side says "i'll believe it when I see it". my spiritual side says "i'll see it when I believe it". my drunken side says "what are we looking at?"

   So, someone in Olympia Washington stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That sums up my day....you?

   lame...With that mentality come here I'll give you screwed 'til you're the strongest woman ever!

   would like to thank everyone in this world that has ever screwed me over! You may be proud of yourself but, all in all, it will and, it has made me the strong woman that I am today! thank you

   to the lady smoking a cig. with the windows rolled up, kids in the back seat: need I say anymore