Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   now we're talking post below.. funny post finally

   I can't wait to one day tell my grand kids, "When I was your age, toilet paper was everywhere! You could find all over the place, even in gas station food marts1"

   A man and a woman can go 21 days on Naked and Afraid with no toilet paper and you sissys can't go one day without 20 rolls.

   I went to a gender reveal for a litter of puppies and it went: good girl, good boy, good boy, good girl, good girl, good boy.

   People who are quarantining in jeans: what are you trying to prove

   Homeschooling day 4: trying to get this kid transferred out of my class.

   “You can eat 50% of a mermaid before you’re considered a cannibal.” My kid, using homeschool math during social distancing

   Dear toilet paper companies I think it’s safe to say you can stop airing tv commercials

   The World Health Organization has reported that dogs cannot transmit COVID-19 Virus and should be released from quarantine immediately. In other words, WHO let the dogs out.

   When I see how my boys have loaded the dishwasher I think, “Maybe their father is my cousin.”

   Raise your hand if you’d like to go back to more simple times when clowns were in the woods scaring us.

   Realtor line of the day: "Folks can you see yourself quarantined in this beautiful 4 bedroom home?

   Here’s a sentence that has stuck with me for 22 years, from a doofy classmate’s story in 8th-grade English: “The werewolf puked and died.”

   Everyone sing along! Don't stand.... don't stand.... don't stand so close to me...

   My role in family now primarily consists of walking around the home shouting, “ONLY ONE PAPER TOWEL!” anytime anyone approaches the roll.

   I asked my doctor if I need to cancel my birthday party, but she said that’s only for events over 10 people.

   The Gov. didn't have to issue me a stay at home order, my wife did that years ago.

   If you watched a movie of my life backwards it would be about a guy who refills beer cans and puts them back into the fridge.

   Does Trump really want people to kill themselves in order to improve the economy and to make his poll numbers rise? That's messed up!

   I swear we are fighting two pandemics Covid 19 and Stupidity.