Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   she touched the rainbow, she felt the rainbow n its nothin lik SKITTLES!!!!!!!

   we need to stop blaming obama for everything bush screwed up..then stop blaming bush for everything Clinton screwed up and then...oh you get it.

   Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

   If your Mexican, iFeliz Cinco de Mayo!. If you are Latin-American, Happy Cinco de Mayo! If you are none of these cultures, Happy Wednesday

   just paid my electric bill, so i'm kinda low on the stuff we trade out for those ice cold beers

   Jesus is coming, Quick, look busy

   Whenever I talk to Americans I get the feeling that they just think of us Canadians as "those-hockey-loving-white-Mexicans".

   I've created a Facebook group called "Threesome" and invited two girls. Now just waiting and see what happens..

   they do not celebrate the 4th of July in Mexico so why am I celebrating the 5th of May here? I don't need an excuse to drink tequila; that is a nightly occurrence...

   - I saw an article in a magazine titled, "10 ways to make your wife come".........I didn't bother reading it though...... I'm too f***ing busy searching for 1 way to make her go......

   -- My girlfriend pulled up a chair earlier and said..... "We need to talk about our future."..... I said, "Yeah, it's gonna be f***ing mental - we'll have flying cars, shiny silver suits, holidays on the moon!"...Needless to say - I'm now f***ing single !

   The in-correct use of punctuation, really pisses me off?

   I see Boomerangs are making a comeback

   Etc... A word used to make others believe that you know more than you actually do

   What's worse than a joke without a punchline?

   Escalators never break down, they just turn into stairs

   I fell off a 50ft ladder yesterday... luckily I was on the bottom step.

   Sometimes it seems I spend half my life just breathing in.

   "Throwing acid is wrong - in some people's eyes."

   I wasn't always into peer pressure......My friends got me into it.