Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I am going through a lot of toilet paper and kleenex in self-isolation .. . I get it now.

   Virus Tip - If you run out of toilet paper, just spray Pam between your butt cheeks and poop won't stick. Don't ask how I know this...

   I definitely didn't stockpile enough hot sauce.

   I think Facebook should change What's on your mind? To What's on your mind, besides the Coronavirus?

   Boo hoo! I'm so mad that I can't go out and mindlessly hang around some dive bar watching some crummy cover band butcher my 5 favorite songs from some 80' hair metal hacks!

   I'm glad we have a Space Force rather than a pandemic response team.

   Due to the Quarantine, I’ll only be telling inside jokes.

   Before Coronavirus, I used to cough to cover a fart. Now I fart to cover a cough.

   Have we tried unplugging 2020 waiting 30 seconds and then plugging it back in?

   tested positive for missing my homies

   Don't care about nudes, send me a video of you washing your hands

   I'm glad the earth is solving our over-population problem. Keep it up, mother earth.

   Rand Paul has been tested positive for Coronavirus. Yes!!!! Thank you lord! Thank you Jesus Christ!

   How long are we supposed to do this social distancing thing? My wife keeps trying to get back into the house.

   General Public: We can't pay rent or the mortgage. Media: LOOK!! The orange haired guy said CHINESE VIRUS again!!

   To the below: Are you saying you want the media to pay everyone's mortgage?

   I loving this calling viruses by races. As long as you leave the whites out of it.

   If prayers doesn't work, then it's all Obama's fault. Fact!

   I’m proud that my kids can see our current First Lady naked when they google her. So beautiful!

   So by always grabbing extra Chipotle napkins along with saving a huge variety of different non-perishable condiments from restaurants over the years make me a prepper?