Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   my girl said she needed some space, so I shipped her off to NASA

   There are female hormones in beer. You gain weight, talk too much and can't drive.

   I saw the Dow plunged yesterday due to the debt in Greece.. So I thought to myself...Maybe the Greeks wouldn't be so broke if they would just stop having those big fat weddings...Just sayin..

   off to FL for an oil change! What a "crude" joke.

   I feel so bad for people who have $500,000,000. They can only call themselves millionaires, and yet they're still so far away from being billionaires.

   Just once I'd like to attend a formal state function and hear the butler at the top of the stairs announce Lady and Sir Mixalot.

   I'm no a lawyer, but I'm pretty sure "He started it," is a legit defense.

   New York Times reports Neanderthals mated with humans thousands of years before "Jersey Shore."

   Apple Bottom Jeans,Turban With The Fur,Got The Whole Mosque Looking At Her....

   the Pill, something that prevents women from becoming mothers turns 50 on Mother's Day. Coincidence??

   carrying groceries to the house the other night, when Justin Bieber played on my mp3 player. Had to bang my head on the trunk until my earphones fell out.

   Ever look at someone and think, "Nice cage, no bird"?

   going to help support the Greek Debt Crisis by eating more Greek Dressing . . . .and Bakliva

   did it all for the nookie

   The U.N. is trying to outlaw the use of lol since it is the international symbol for a drowning person.

   s it possible to set the Gulf of Mexico on fire and turn it into a giant fish fry?

   if your lookin for Sympathy it is in the dictionary between S*it and Syphilis...

   a 5 yr old who must be alot smarter than me, because I din't know everything until I was a teenager

   Come with me, and you'll be, in a world of pure hallucinations

   (sigh) women